Here's my email response:
It took me some time for the insight to this exchange to hit me. I will state it blankly.
I opened your response with reservation, fear of dissapointment and hope colliding within me. Self-recrimination at my apprent inner lack of appreciation. And then it came. I was offended appropriately.
In my post on CL to which you responded, "single mom in need of vehicle" was included. You knew damn well what I was "asking". Your email to me was an intentionally misleading exchange offering: you knew what I needed, asked for my story, I gave it. You did not hold up your end of the bargain. You robbed me. You robbed me of my inner story. You robbed me of my inner kingdom. You're a spiritual thief. You verify what I asserted: CL is nothing but a den of thieves and abusive agents.
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Recently I was given to reflect on a fond memory, that of my high school boyfriend. I always had that remembrence catagorized in my consciousness as a good one, of a good guy who I parted from due to insecurities, but good reason because he was off to college while I still had a year of high school. I figured he should be free. When I looked back upon it recently, however, I remember how the first time we had sex, I was a virgin, I cried because,as I told him, I wanted to wait for marriage. not to him, but to anybody, in general, on principle. I just thought it was an unrealistic expectation I had, so when he pushed I agreed. according to everyone else, I always had 'unrealistic expectations', especially of people. Now I can look back, without anger, resentment or a feeling of being violated but, seeing how unethical it was that he took advantage of me. What kind of young man would take a girl who is crying and clearly saying it was something she did not want to be doing? No, I didn't scream, but why should I need to? I was protesting. that should be enough for anybody. I become reluctant at even the hint of a hesitation in another's stance. their response doesn't even have to be verbal for me to respect their unwillingness. I am immediately repentent for propsing it and apologize for it.
And so I reminded myself of this example of this principle of subtly when I began to berate myself earlier this evening for "whining" about something. I was making excuses for why I should not be complaining about such subtleties. The line may be fine, but it is quite clear, actually. Unwilling is unwilling.
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I thought an exchange with my editor would fit in nicely with this topic:
Him:
One of my present roomies and close friend and colleague put in an app...cost us 50 bux! tonight. the placed is ready, just a matter if they think we make enough money and my credit isn't too bad*hahah*
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Recently I was given to reflect on a fond memory, that of my high school boyfriend. I always had that remembrence catagorized in my consciousness as a good one, of a good guy who I parted from due to insecurities, but good reason because he was off to college while I still had a year of high school. I figured he should be free. When I looked back upon it recently, however, I remember how the first time we had sex, I was a virgin, I cried because,as I told him, I wanted to wait for marriage. not to him, but to anybody, in general, on principle. I just thought it was an unrealistic expectation I had, so when he pushed I agreed. according to everyone else, I always had 'unrealistic expectations', especially of people. Now I can look back, without anger, resentment or a feeling of being violated but, seeing how unethical it was that he took advantage of me. What kind of young man would take a girl who is crying and clearly saying it was something she did not want to be doing? No, I didn't scream, but why should I need to? I was protesting. that should be enough for anybody. I become reluctant at even the hint of a hesitation in another's stance. their response doesn't even have to be verbal for me to respect their unwillingness. I am immediately repentent for propsing it and apologize for it.
And so I reminded myself of this example of this principle of subtly when I began to berate myself earlier this evening for "whining" about something. I was making excuses for why I should not be complaining about such subtleties. The line may be fine, but it is quite clear, actually. Unwilling is unwilling.
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I thought an exchange with my editor would fit in nicely with this topic:
Him:
One of my present roomies and close friend and colleague put in an app...cost us 50 bux! tonight. the placed is ready, just a matter if they think we make enough money and my credit isn't too bad*hahah*
Me:
$50 just to apply?!
wow.
I had no idea obtaining housing was THAT involved there in Davis.
Give me a tent any day, lol.
Him:
25 each, yeah...ans they keep taking apps until they are filled...which means they knowingly take app money even after there is going to be no room...
unethical, but “legal.”
Me:
Ah, the picture of a healthy society we all need to comform to in order to be considered "housable", "employable", "responsible", and "sane".
My commentary-
In the good ol' days, not so very long ago, one would see a 'for rent' sign or ad, meet the landlord, look at the place and if both parties were comfortable with oneanother, one became a tenant. You move in the next day. Nowadays, landlords must protect themselves from lawsuits and eviction processes involving court costs that give a tenant 90 days after an eviction notice. So, to get into an apartment one must pay first month, last month, security deposit and pass backround checks, credit checks, and citizenship checks. Apparently, application fees to compensate a landlord for this process are also required now. Just to feed a paranoia. And landlords can be beasts! They are as bad as anyone else when it comes to addictions and irresponsibility with money. They cut corners to cut costs and it costs tenants in living standards. Landlords don't feel a need to take care of things properly, having no qualms about demanding rent money despite such things as water, heat or any other utilities not working. they are lords of their land and make sure you live like a peasant.
A new-to-me perception hit me recently: when one pays a property own to provide maintained living quarters, the person paying the other for services is what we would call an employer. And we all know what employers can be like these days.....One should not be 'at the mercy' of a landlord (or an employer for that matter), but in our society this is how we are expected to believe it should be.
Next time we should try .this when aproaching a perspective landlord "I am here to consider paying you to provide me with a maintained living space. I would like to see if the space you are offering to provide is adequately maintained, suitable to my needs, and I would like to see your resume, qualifications and credentials as a landlord, please along with a copy of your credit report, backround check report, and citizenship papers". That'll turn up some noses, but it may be just the right ticket to a healthy living arrangement.
My commentary-
In the good ol' days, not so very long ago, one would see a 'for rent' sign or ad, meet the landlord, look at the place and if both parties were comfortable with oneanother, one became a tenant. You move in the next day. Nowadays, landlords must protect themselves from lawsuits and eviction processes involving court costs that give a tenant 90 days after an eviction notice. So, to get into an apartment one must pay first month, last month, security deposit and pass backround checks, credit checks, and citizenship checks. Apparently, application fees to compensate a landlord for this process are also required now. Just to feed a paranoia. And landlords can be beasts! They are as bad as anyone else when it comes to addictions and irresponsibility with money. They cut corners to cut costs and it costs tenants in living standards. Landlords don't feel a need to take care of things properly, having no qualms about demanding rent money despite such things as water, heat or any other utilities not working. they are lords of their land and make sure you live like a peasant.
A new-to-me perception hit me recently: when one pays a property own to provide maintained living quarters, the person paying the other for services is what we would call an employer. And we all know what employers can be like these days.....One should not be 'at the mercy' of a landlord (or an employer for that matter), but in our society this is how we are expected to believe it should be.
Next time we should try .this when aproaching a perspective landlord "I am here to consider paying you to provide me with a maintained living space. I would like to see if the space you are offering to provide is adequately maintained, suitable to my needs, and I would like to see your resume, qualifications and credentials as a landlord, please along with a copy of your credit report, backround check report, and citizenship papers". That'll turn up some noses, but it may be just the right ticket to a healthy living arrangement.
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