ahh, the quiet little town

    That's what I believed. I jumped right in, walking joyfully to the store with my children skipping alongside me, so relieved I did not have to "helicopter parent" my children. Oh, sweet country living where everyone called me by name long before I knew any of theirs.....um, wait. that is not a good thing. Look a wee bit more closely. There is no helicopter parenting, not because it's safe but because the children are neglected, unsupervised by parents too busy on Facebook, watching TV and/or drinking. O.K. some of those parents are actually off working and the caregivers are busy on Facebook, watching TV or drinking. But then the parents come home and do the same thing. Oh, and they're sharing the pot with the kids all under the age of sixteen.
     Oh, but now I'm making enemies. I should worry, right? None of these people would have ever been friends. They do not know how to be anything but enemies to anybody. And I'm not being judgmental or overly critical. Case in point number one: "friend" and her family are guests for Easter dinner, she thinks. Oh, she's all relaxed, playfully posing for pictures, affectionately interacting with her husband.....who the week before was at that very same house telling the hostess, the "friend", how abusive this young mother, his wife, is to himself and their children. Her "friend", the hostess to this scenic small town Easter event, was advising him he should leave his wife and take the children. Meanwhile the wife all confident and unaware that she is surrounded by her worst enemies, critically examines me about how my daughter should be in kindergarten or something. My child's education is the least of her worries, but if I told her? Well, I'm just the trouble making outsider who doesn't know anything, they'll vehemently and convincingly argue against me, lulling the mother back into a comfortable sleep after they've provoked her into attacking me. Then they'll do it to her anyways and she'll be alone crying, wondering "How did this happen to me?". Been there myself, darlin' and seen this community do it time and again to other people. I'm not bitter, I'm realistic. These are normal relations in this area between friends and family members. Oh, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, did you think being family made it any safer? Did you think your teen niece would have at least been honest and told you? No, darlin', it's a small town and it's not quiet, she's been raised true to character and "keeps it in the family". Small towns aren't quiet, they just know how to keep their secrets.
      The "upper crust", "non-addicts" aren't any better. Did I think the town clerk was doing me a favor and being "small town generous" when I went for general assistance and she told me "no, don't show me that paperwork! I wont be able to do THIS for you". Oh, O.K., leery but not knowing if I should say anything. Nope, she was making sure I never got general assistance again. Because now she gets to say I was dishonest about my income and then she even lied to an outside agency who wanted to investigate. Oh, yes, the conniving runs deep, like being on a Survivor island. And what does she do with all that free time now that she has undermined everyone who would be going to her office for help? She calls her boyfriend the animal control officer to take bolt cutters to the padlock on her sister's dog yard fence, hauling his niece's dog off to Bangor Humane society where "heroic" auntie, (oh no, that's right: married father after marrying brother...) big sister rushes off to rescue it. Criminal activity in this town isn't limited to 4 drug addicts as one commenter posted on the news website.
     Then there's the local "righteous" and "upstanding" citizen postal worker. She's a real doozy. On her good side? Official post office policy is a casual thing. She doesn't like the rumors about you or has a bit of gossip she doesn't want to apply the federal regulations about privacy towards? She's all loose lips and robbery. Yes, robbery. Is it any less destructive to withhold important social security mail and a heater from a mother of minors in the middle of winter, depriving her of money to buy food and the ability to heat her home for her children than if a drug addict stole these things? And when an abused mother leaves town and is counting on privacy giving her time to accomplish the escape of herself and her minor children, is not the gossip of the postal worker informing the grandmother, one of the chief abusers of the intended mover, endangering the minors in question?! Is our  "upstanding citizen" and influential member of the community any less destructive and detrimental to the community than a drug dealer? The answer is no, obviously.
      If you ask the local preacher's wife why they have their church here she'll say it's because this area is plagued with evils like wife-swapping and these out-of-town attendees are bringing the Lord to this much in need community. O.K. Sex, drugs and rock and roll fought off with charismatic music, ornate hairdos to seduce angels into possession for speaking in tongues.....aren't they both just groups of people equally defiling their bodies? And while the town presents a pretty New England small town surface picture the church is doing a lot of surface renovating yet neither it nor the preacher are paying their property taxes....all looks the same to me. These outside church-goers fit right in! Welcome to the community! Don't know why the locals don't embrace them. They're all kin spiritually.
     There are also comments referring to police not looking into other killings. Other killings? Wasn't this recent event a rare thing in this "quiet" community and all due to only 4 newly arrived drug addicts? Like I said..... And yes, police are skeptical about anyone in these communities being "innocent victims". Shoot, my last name alone implicates me. One can safely assume I'm an alcoholic if not a drug addict and scam artist if not outright thief, right? And it must be true because I don't have custody of three of my kids, correct? There's no way I was just like that unwary mother in the first paragraph, right? Does not matter I was never investigated or found unfit. It absolutely could NEVER be small town corruption and politics, could it! Oh, no, I'm just a loose, lying, thieving addict like all the rest. Something different would never exist in such a community, would it? But because I am not any of those things, lies have to be fabricated and anything I do indeed do must be interpreted in the worst light possible.
     Meanwhile, we went all winter with no storm-caused power outages, but let those warm summer holidays come where everyone's drinking and so far we've had two power outages. Both due to poles being taken out. And there has been at least one death linked to drinking and driving in the year and a half since I've been here. And last year the man who lived across the road, adjacent to the property that was scene to the latest crime, killed his own father. No, this town is anything but quiet.....it just does what it does quietly so the news reporters, themselves addicted to "sensationalism" and dramatization, don't catch wind of it.
   And some may say "one less addict" or "fine, a bunch of drunks" don't matter to anyone and good riddance when it happens. But honey, I ask you honestly, "Is your position any different?". Would any of our deaths mean anything more to anyone than a reason to get the heart pumping as we spout off our opinions about it, feeding our various addictions to drama, self-righteousness, etc? Sure, there's an occasional heart that is touched, like me naively thinking "That was somebody's mother, father, brother, sister, son or daughter. They were loved and meant something to someone!". Did they really? Because if they really meant something to somebody, they wouldn't been allowed to get into that condition to begin with. any predisposal would have been nipped in the bud in childhood. No, those of us with sensitive hearts and even a passion for honesty are a rare thing and even we often don't know how to truly love and care about somebody. We are raised in the dark concerning discipline, righteousness, integrity, honesty, and all those truly good qualities. These are truly dark days for humanity.
    The days are gone where you might have been able to flee into the wilderness far from it all. The wilderness is home to drug plantations and monitored by federal agents who definitely won't let anyone settle down out there. No, we're all kinda trapped on this planet like animals in a cage just trying to find a safe enough corner that is not out there.
     Rumor has it that the people who frequented the property which served as the latest crime scene were those who were trying to get their lives clean up a bit. So why would this thing happen to such a one, one trying to clean himself up and should have been gaining a better reputation? Either he was a good-hearted person who spent a life misled and God saw fit to allow him to pay the price for his sins. We'll see him in some form of resurrection. Or his sins were too great for God to want to allow him any sort of redemption. An eerie thought to imagine, that a man's sins be so great that God would allow him to be put to death before he could work toward redemption. But the community is no less merciless in their judgment of him, are they? Even in a gruesome death, they still condemn him for his sins.

Ticked at my community!

   A little over 10 years ago some members of the community came to me about a corrupt animal control officer. So, I went to bat for them. I did the research on what was required to get her removed. I stuck my neck out talking to town officials about the process and neighbors. When it was time to produce written statements, every one backed out. "Oh, I'll lose clients". "Oh, no, she'll come take my dogs". Fine. Thanks a lot, but it's your town and your animals she's messing with. If you don't care enough, screw you too. You don't want to clean up your own bed, take responsibility for your circumstances, don't ask me to. I left you all to yourselves then came back at someone's behest only to find things worse instead of improved. Fine, again: it's your bed.
   But this latest cover up placed my children in  mortal danger! And THAT I won't take lying down. By Thursday afternoon I knew all the gruesome details of the crime committed on Main street. And that is saying something because no one in this community particularly likes me and I have no regular interactions with the people involved, if not due to personal differences than simply because of my family name. So, if I knew, the cops should have. But no. This animal was being protected, covered up and allowed to run loose. What if he imagined YOU were holding something out on him? Would it have  been so cool to have done him a favor as a friend? You let him get away with it! What would stop him from doing it again to his other friends? The people who picked him up at the cemetery should have knocked him on the head, trussed him up like a pig and driven straight to the police with his story. You saw the evidence through the windows, you knew he did what he said. You yourself called the police to do a "wellness check" with the murderer sitting right next to you! This wasn't a quick bullet to the head, it took up close, slow and methodical.....a bit more consideration.
   And this guy had already tried to kill his victim at least once. That victim told everyone he was afraid this was going to happen. You knew it was coming and did nothing to stop it. That blood is on the hands of this entire community which fostered and nourished this and constantly just turns their heads to things, trying so desperately to keep their own hands clean trying to play "politics", chopping off the heads who are actually brave enough to stick their necks out.
  There's a deep festering rot in this community and I'm not afraid to say it!

   I am editing to add: another thing to be leery and aware of about this community is their bad habit of making those who are leaving the "normal" ways of this community behind them to walk a different, straighter, road the community scapegoats. So, if you start getting clean or attempt to become a better parent, you suddenly find yourself under a magnifying glass and get the state and cops called on  you for any minute offense that can be presented in an ugly fashion. And when I say community, I include Plymouth and Palmyra, not just Detroit because everyone is related in one way or another, sharing the same mentality and problems. Trust me, you won't get support in this community for going straight or doing right by anyone, especially yourself and your children. You'll just be spit on and beat down like the Israelite scapegoat.

"Sovereign Citizen"?

     Sovereign citizenry is impossible. The words sovereign and citizen are contradictory. I am not a sovereign citizen. I am a sovereign being who resides in a body on land claimed to be owned by a mob of people who carry guns, forcefully put you into prison, take your possessions and kidnap your children should your actions or inactions disagree with their childish, insecure, immature demands placed in writing and proclaimed to be "laws", "ordinances" and "policies" supposedly capable of controlling and limiting such actions or inactions. Thus, as an intelligent sovereign entity who respects and appreciates her body, possessions, and children, I submit to the mob's enforcement officials and policies where appropriate and necessary, thus preserving my body, possessions and children until a mob with bigger guns comes and disillusions the current mob of it's convictions that it has some inaliable right to bully free sovereign people like me. Until then, I do what I need to do in order to dwell in peace and relative safety.

The Call from the East

    This began as an open letter to those serving in the military, flowed into what it means to be a sovereign entity and to be a Native American............
     To all true Americans serving in the military:
      It is time to come home. It is time to serve and protect your people from a government that has overstepped it's bounds putting it's self into too much debt, subjecting us to outside authorities. It is time to protect us from overbearing government agencies and the minions it has created in it's counselors, teachers, and scientists. I am a citizen whom you swore to protect and defend from enemies foreign AND domestic.
     Your children are hungry. They are hungry for a sense of safety, security, health and well-being, a spiritual connection to things.
     Spirit came to me and bid me remember my childhood, the streams, the water I drink. My body is 80% water taken from this land. I am bid to notice the pot in which I boil that water, coated in minerals. The other 20% of my body is made up of those minerals it takes from the water which has rained down, drawn the minerals from the soil and been drawn back up out of a well to serve my body. The rest of the food I eat is simply "fossil fuel" my body burns to run it's engine.
    I am bid to think about our food and the eating of it: one year we must no longer eat eggs, they are bad for us full of cholesterol. The next we must eat more eggs, it turns out they are high in protein. One year we must not eat butter and instead use margarine. Then we must not use margarine but return to eating butter. Which is it? It is not the food making the people sick, it is the terror with which they eat it. And this fear comes from our government, it's "scientific findings", it's warnings, it's regulations based on this ability to terrorize us into requesting this guidance which leads to confusion: your children are hungry for clarity.
  When I stand outside or feel a breeze through an open door or window I FEEL the earth, the wind and the trees. I feel the rich green grass and the birds that are singing. I am a part of it and it is a part of me. As a child I spent most of my days wandering the surface of the earth alone, somehow knowing which plants I could pick in the fields to eat. I wandered in the woods and without fear or doubt I drank from fresh springs. As a budding young woman I swam naked in it's streams at peace in my surroundings. The land and Spirit call out to me: drink! Tell the people, it is time to set themselves free.
  It shares it's story.... How we were young and innocent, naïve about many things but learning about sovereignty and what that truly means. Then came the white man with their imported water fermented in patriarchal spirits. this illusion of power seduced our men who became high on these spirits beating their women and children...their connection to earth AND Spirit. It seduced our women with it's air of authority, something we had been lacking in earnest. We sought to learn from them and to teach them what we ourselves did not even know yet. We acted in ignorance. But now we have the answers we were seeking. It is time to cast off the white man's system of patriarchy and domination, returning to the ways of women being our connection to authority, knowledge and understanding of things.
  We owe no one anything. We are not in debt to anybody. Foreign governments invested knowing full well our constitution, taking a chance that the American people would not remember it and come to know exactly what it means to be sovereign citizens of a sovereign country. They gambled and lost because the government had no right to make any such commitments on our behalf. A stranger on the street cannot demand of another "give me money and you can get it back from her", pointing to me randomly. Neither can an elected official who I have not chosen take money from China and tell the Chinese government I would pay it back to them or that they can take me into service to compensate for it. It is time for those who claim we owe them to turn around, put their hands in their pockets, lick their wounds, chalk up their losses and start walking. I never voted for a single one of those elected officials. I never saw one worthy of choosing to represent me. My choice NOT to be a registered voter makes my hands clean of ANY agreements they have made and claim to have made on behalf of me.
  Even if I had, NO TREATY or AGREEMENT is valid if it is made under duress. If we are afraid of losing something, threatened with violence or ANY form of loss or suffering, expressed or implied, if we do not agree to something, we are being forced against our own will into an agreement. The agreement is null. It is void. It is not an agreement. You do not threaten a woman with loss of her children when you already have them hostage if she does not agree to have sex with you and then sue her for being a whore because she did not scream in objection. We recognize this as rape and the raping of a woman does NOT give a man authority over that woman in any court of law he might stake a claim to her belongings in ......unless it is a white man's. That is why we must not turn to the courts for justification: they are not OUR government. they are European, patriarchal, poisoned and fermented with evil spirits. Their authority is not valid because it does not come through the women, the earth, Source and spirit in one clear connection.
    One does not take a child, ask them to make a piece of paper pretty and to give them what they need then make them a slave to all sorts of abuses claiming they gave their consent and permission. Such an agreement is invalid. Ignorance IS a valid reason. There is no shame in admitting we were once children in our understanding. I am sure there is ample proof that white man knew of Native American child like innocence and ignorance to understanding the implications of their actions in the white man's imagination.
   If you are a white man who FEELS this land, can openly admit with no shame in it that you depend upon a wife, a mother, your children, to keep yourself grounded and keep your spirits lifted, you ARE Native American. You know where the will comes from that makes you mighty and strong. You ARE wise, you ARE brave, you ARE strong and you ARE Native to America. It is time to shore up your connections to earth and spirit by protecting, defending and fighting for them.
  Your children are being born with ADHD: anxiety experienced in the womb that drives a child to carry on in hyper vigilance when it leaves it because you have abandoned them emotionally, spiritually and physically. Your children are being born with autism: too afraid of everything, too afraid to leave a state of hyper vigilance to "come out of their own shell". Your children are born with cancer: fear eating away at them. They suffer from asthma: being to afraid to even remember how to breath every day. They suffer from allergies: are overwhelmed with irritation at having  to eat and come into contact with this fearful environment, surrounded and full of everything they are told to be afraid of. They are killing one another and themselves, crying out for attention and acknowledgement of their condition. The earth it's self has pulled you off your feet with waves of water and you do not listen. It tries to shake some sense into you with earthquakes and you still do not listen. It strikes you with wind tearing up your houses and places of evil worship and yet you defy it. Now, it threatens to swallow you whole in sink holes......you will now listen.
   If you are a red man and do not KNOW these things, you are nothing but a white man in a red man's skin sporting an ID card that says your heritage WAS Native American. Cast the white man out of your skin and become Native American.
    A woman from England who calls herself an American citizen told me we live in a culture which she agrees with: that all it's citizens are "mandated reporters". We are to report anything we see other people do to their children that "concerns us" while we are out in public. NO. We have the right to privacy no matter where we are or what we are doing. Why do you not know to avert your eyes when in the presence of other people's matters of privacy? Why do you stare openly at the embarrassment of one being punished/arrested? Why do not avert your attention from the suffering already being attended at the site of an "accident"? A true, mature, responsible, sovereign person knows of discretion. They know what is and what is not their business. They teach by example and with discipline/guidance in whatever form is appropriate and needed to their children.
   What of "elected officials", "representatives", "public servants" in a sovereign nation made up of sovereign people's? Servants don't get paid. We meet their needs but we do not give them a paycheck. So let us say for example someone volunteers to serve in California and the only one offering the means to travel is an Amish man with his horse and buggy? The representative accepts graciously and leaves a bit earlier than he would if he were taking a plane or car to the next session. But I can guarantee, a sovereign people who KNOW their representative WILL serve and protect their interests would most likely be flying first class all the way there while never taking such things for granted.
  There are answers to everything if we look deep within. The road there, the way in, has been shown to me and paved clear for me. It is now time to access it, draw it forth and apply it. It is now time to BE Native American.
  
  
 

Freedom = Sovereignty

Some bits and pieces I am discovering about sovereignty and an email about child support enforcement in example of how to apply what I am learning:

We must get used to expecting service rather than asking for help with things. If we ask for help, we are putting ourselves into subjection, a position of servitude, relinquishing authority. We make requests for service, not assistence or help of any kind. It is appropriate for children to demonstrate subjection to parents, asking them(parents) for help or assistence but it is not apprpriate for adults to ask for help from children. If we ask, "Will you do me a favor?" we are asking "Will you do me this service?" and is a way of getting answers and things without being overbearing yet not putting ourselves into subjection to the one doing the giving, I think. Technicalities, sometimes it is all in the technicalities and so some miner details need to be taken very seriously until we get everything in order and miner slips of the tongue do not invite threat...a day shall come when no such threat exists. Speaking of which, so often we have experienced just the viewing of entertainment as a doorway for spirits to enter. A simple observation must not be mistaken as an invitation. As responsible sovereigns we have every right and obligation to examine the spirit of all things that we may determine their appropriateness to the human experience. We should not dwell in ignorance nor be under threat simply for leaving a state of ignorance.
    The next morning I awake slowly, feeling better still but not yet completely healed. I am given the brief vision glimpse of a buck and a doe playing in a field together. Warm joy fills me. As I go about my morning more realizations come to me as I realize God had no right to make promises to Isreal. She had already chosen a land that pleased her: the lush, rich green of the Eastern United States. She had already chosen a people and endowed them with understanding of the pricinciples of Sovereignty; such tribes as the Mohicans. The Constitution is evidence of their influence and what those who appreciated it wanted, however white men did not understand the principles fully, were already in a state and consciousness of servitude and so The United States of Sovereign Peoples did not survivie it's infancy. It is beggining to. She is etrayed by the form He chose to have her dwell in, some of which makes her happy, some of which doesn't. But She is already invested. And while He would prefer other forms, He must take the one which pleases her and She asserts Her Sovereignty over the affairs He created for Himself. He must be in subjection and accept the lesson. It is Her people who will govern the affairs He created. A woman is faithful, just and righteous in her nature if she is empowered. But He must have no emotional investment in the affairs He created or She is forced to bring upon them destruction. They both know this. many things are occuring to me: a husband's duty to honor his wife vs the scriptural right as her lord and master to do so and cause her to suffer should another choose to. Well, if He had been doing an appropriate job of it, another wouldn't be driven to do it or be given the opportunity to sneak in the back door to do it, so to speak. Time to allow things to come rolling in gently, quietly, patiently but assuredly. It is She who stated it would be given to another. That is the trick to "hearing" prophesy that was recorded; hearing the various voices within it. It does not take bigger guns to win a war, but a stronger will than your opponent. It is will that moves the world. Hers is greater and She lends it to Him, that Her will be done, not His.
    One must first make the choices of a Sovereign and then they will be treated as a Sovereign.
 To be a free Sovereign, one must stand alone as a Sovereign upon principle with confidence and the will to stand upon that principle. It must know when to be still and when to take action, when to speak and when to be quiet, when to retreat and when to strike out. It cannot complain nor base it's rights upon past actions "I did this for you now you must do this for me", this is blackmail, setting a standard of needing to earn worthiness. One must know their worthiness and assert their rights based upon this alone.
   Sovereignty does not need to be recognized or affirmed by anyone else-that would make it dependent upon others for it's sovereignty, thus losing it's sovereignty. Sovereignty does not declare it's sovereignty. We recognize sovereignty when we see it but it is not dependent upon our recognition for it to recognize it's own existence. Sovereignty does not imitate it's enemy to prove it's self like them their equal, or it becomes it's own enemy. It does not seek a place at the table because it does not wish to be one of those who sits at the table as a representation of it's right to exist. It does not sit as one of many, it sits as one among many. It sits alone at a table that may also be filled with other people.
   The constitution does not give rights, it is simply stating an awareness of rights we have only if we ourselves are aware of these rights. It does not hitch it's wagons to others or join up with them, it simply walks with them for a while.
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Good afternoon and thank you for writing.

     Please bear with me as I describe my perspective/beliefs to you. Our country's founders, writers of the constitution, wrote that we have the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that these rights are God given and inalienable. I believe this to be true. Liberty, or freedom, is only present if responsibilities are appropriately assigned and appropriately taken. How my objections, based upon these principles, apply to my specific situation and the state's child support enforcement agencies follows:

     In the State of Maine, I have 4 child-support cases. Two are in reference to my youngest children and involving one man who chose to be their father. This man was abusive and a danger to the children, so his rights have been revoked. The State of Maine, as an entity, however, is persuing a perceived responsibility to financially support these children. I find this imbalanced and a violation of  the right to freedom, not only how it applies to him but especially as it applies to myself and my children. This persistence in an erroneous belief that he is responsible for financially supporting these children limits both myself and my children's freedom, safety and over-all well-being. I have a restraining order stating I do not need to notify him of our place of residency. Well, if the State of Maine persists, he will know exactly which state we live in and probably at least which county. This persistence by the state ties me to him if I am in a position needing state services, which also limits my liberty, freedom of movement without question. It endangers our lives, which it has no right to endanger but should instead be protecting. And it absolutely affects our right to happiness which would involve our freedom from association with him and support enforcement. I have every right to life-sustaining government services.

     As for the other two cases; The State of Maine is persuing cases against me in violation of my God given rights which are also constitutional. I grew up abused and so logically only understood and got involved in abusive relationships. Two of my abusers, fathers to my children, got an illegally applied restraining order removing my children from my custody. (I have consulted a lawyer who is the one who informed me that the restraining order was illegally applied to my situation. She did not work in the circuit, however, so she herself couldn't help me with the case at the time). Knowing my ex did indeed have political connections, being undermined by my own family (which would only logically happen as they are abusive), and completely struck by PTSD, I gave up on everything. 10 years later I am still not allowed to visit my children as the visitation which is court ordered is not being respected by their fathers. All of my rights have been taken, thus it is my belief based on religious, political and intellectual conviction I absolutely have NO responsibilities concerning these children, most absolutely NOT "child support". And to ask that I pay these men to abuse my children is absolutely absurd, in my opinion. The government's involvement in these cases absolutely deprives me of the right to life (in the form of life-sustaining activities such as producing a livable income), liberty (freedom of movement due to threat of losing a driver's license and freedom to choose how any money I have coming in will be spent) and the pursuit of happiness which would be found in my own freedom and that of my children.

    The child support ordered in the secondly mentioned two cases was based upon temporary employment through a temp agency and sum totaled more each week than a person of my employability would even be able to make. The amounts are unreasonable on that fact alone in the least. But add to that the fact that I have never been more than temporarily employed in my entire life due to PTSD, had the PTSD compounded by the manner in which my children were taken and thus I never will be employed gainfully according to this system again. This, however, does not mean I can be deprived of my inalienable rights to life(which would mean all required to sustain it such as food, shelter and clothing), liberty (freedom to travel, freedom from threats of violence and imprisonment, and spend any resources as chosen unhindered) and pursuit of happiness (which might include the right to own property).

     Based upon these religious, political, and intellectual convictions, I ask that the State of Maine's Child Support Enforcement Agencies cease any and all activities on behalf of my myself and/or my children, their fathers, and it's self.
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  Notice I simply note an agreement with the statement the constitution makes rather than a dependency upon it's statement for those rights. The government has claimed ownership of all resources (land and all on it and in it) and asserts those claimed rights with might. To live freely, one must find a way to avail one's self of the resources without provoking the might to be used against it. So one uses the loopholes to avail one's self of resources without sacrificing freedom until the might is taken from the government. This method has so far called off the might from it's uses, removing threat, resulting in freedom. I was guided into these loopholes. And that is the key to first learning subjection, we learn to allow ourselves to be guided where we might not want to go and we must learn to listen to what we are being told rather than what we might think the words are implying. Subtleties, in this game, are vital.
   Another key is request without expectation. Expectation makes one dependent upon fulfillment of that expectation. It creates a sense being required to fulfill the expectation, a sense of obligation, being forced to fulfill the expectation. Assuming a request will be fulfilled is also missing the mark and a form of expectation. One must simply feel a assured within themselves that what is desired will be given in one form or another and then one be open to accept the fulfillment of the request in whatever form it has taken. Will includes willingness, not being strong-willed in being stubborn or rebellious because it is will which is the true might, stronger than any muscles, gun or bomb any man might aim at you.
  Sovereigns are discerning when it comes to materialism and taking on dependents. Material things in possession require maintenance and can come to own a person more than the person owns them. Dependents or those in need of service/governing also can come to a point of owning a person. The main goal of a sovereign in taking on dependents is to liberate them, train them to become independent sovereigns themselves. Material possessions are also taken on with discernment.
  In the end, a sovereign knows it is not obligated to give that which another has no right to take. And a sovereign knows it cannot be held accountable for what another had no right to commit.
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Another letter I sent that needed writing:
May 30, 2013
Attn: (name), counselor
and (to agency where counselor is employed)
To whom it may concern;
   In today's counseling session I expressed to Carol Ann my intent to not continue our relationship as client and councilor, stating my reasons for my considering it inappropriate as a responsible parent. Using coercive persuasion (a form of psychological abuse and manipulation to violate my own expressed will and intention) Carol Ann dismissed my request and made me another appointment.
   During my intake I was led to understand it took two meetings to come up with a preliminary assessment/ "comp" assessment and a week to complete it. We have had our two sessions. I request a certified or notarized copy of that assessment and diagnosis, which I had previewed today in Carol Ann's office, be sent to me within the week or I WILL be suing for malpractice. I do have a dated document stating my intent to discontinue the relationship, verifying what was my intention to discuss during this very session.


  (name)
  (address)
  Detroit, Me 04929
Added in handwriting:
P.S. and yes, this does mean I am cancelling the next appointment for 6/6/2013
It does occur to me that (counselor's name)'s boasting during our session about how she can play the system, do things her way within it, using the example of being able to influence Child Welfare for or against her clients at her discretion could be construed as an implied threat to me and my children. It also occurs to me that during our first session (counselor) over stepped her bounds, usurping my parental authority, in an incident where she counseled my children without my permission, demonstrating that her presence in our lives is indeed inappropriate, that she is professionally unfit, and that as a "mandated reporter", her perceptions cannot be trusted.
Reminder: The diagnosis was that my PTSD and anxiety are purely physiological; not emotional, mental/intellectual or psychological. The disability is in my body only.

Emancipation of teens in Maine

Emancipation of teens in Maine

Part 6: MAINE JUVENILE CODE:

 http://www.mainelegislature.org/legis/statutes/15/title15sec3506-A.html

 

Petition form:

http://www.courts.state.me.us/fees_forms/forms/pdf_forms/fm/FM-064,%20Rev.%2009_97%20.pdf

 

 

Parental Example, our commandments to our children

  What I realized about parental example: When I allow that which is bad for us in our environment just to accommodate what I believe is right about aspects of it, I tell my children that which is bad for us is acceptable and even necessary in our environment. To children, our examples are as potent as and serve as commandments. It is the basis by which they will judge themselves and thus be judged. In light of this, we will only allow types of people to be to us what our parents allowed those types of people to be to them.

For the continuation of this train of discovery:

Parental Example and Wedding Invitation
http://crystalmorningstar.blogspot.com/2013/05/parental-example-and-wedding-invitation.html

Son of God vs Son of Man

     Scripture tells us that the Son=the Word and in the old testament, the Word=the Will of God. So, God's Will= God's Son. If will=son then the "son of man"= man's will. The one called Jesus called himself the "Son of Man" as was one of the prophets in the old testament called "Son of Man". "Son of Man", man's will must be sacrificed to be resurrected as "Son of God", God's Will for everlasting life and immortality to be bestowed upon it. "All of creation groans waiting for the revelation of God's children" scripture tells us. It waits for mankind as whole to sacrifice their own will to become the will of God.
    I was watching a documentary the other day in four parts on YouTube. It was all about how mankind was destroying our environment and causing climate change. I did not believe it fully because the earth's climate is always changing. Animal species are always going extinct and new species evolving to fill in the gaps left by those that did go extinct. Mankind has always been a global traveler, spreading "alien" plant life and insects and animals onto new continents and islands. Yes, we might be speeding up climate change as we speed up travel, it's frequency and add so much to greenhouse gases, but it would have happened eventually. The only difference between now and "then" is man's discomfort with climate changes. Tribal man accepts and adapts. Modern man does everything within his power to resist changes. Tribal man sees it's self as just another animal. Modern "civilized" man sees it's self as above animals, different.
    Then the documentary came to a part on Yellowstone. Killing off the wolves led to the dying off of the trees. Man killed predators it was in competition with, stopped being an animal predator himself and this is what destroyed the earth. Every intense climate change is marked with the demise of an advanced civilization such as the Mayans, the Atlantians, etc. History is simply repeating it's self. Again. It is only after the end of the civilizations that the men who survive it go back to being hunter-gatherers, animals. Those close to those civilizations with folklore and legends surrounding them thus keeping a memory of them, are the most resistant to "civilization" of themselves. And for good reason; "civilization" leads to our destruction.
   Building farms in Australia kills the Eskimos in Alaska when it kills the whales they live off of. So the Eskimos have no choice but to become "civilized", creating their own disruptions to the environment which returns the favor somewhere else in the world. California is suffocating on pollution that blows in from China.
  Tribal man is usually nomadic, hunter gatherers. God's chosen people have always become by His will nomadic and the one called Jesus was nomadic. He told his disciples to be like him. Civilized people living according to their will are sedentary in their lifestyles. People busy with getting out to hunt and gather, move their dwellings, etc are too busy and expending energy on other things than reproduction and oppression/dysfunction. Population control is naturally occurring and individual freedom a natural result.
   God was happy in a tent. "Did I ask for a temple?" God asked David. No, He didn't. He didn't want man to have laws, sacrifices or a human king. He wanted them to have a few laws written on stone tablets and individual freedom with designated territories. It was man's will to have statues and sacrifices and a king. So, God sacrificed His own Will= His Son, for that of man's. And look where it led. So, it is now up to man to sacrifice his own will=his own son which brings death and destruction for God's Son= Will, that mankind can continue to live.
   Those who survive great climatic changes and downfalls of civilizations a.k.a. societal or cultural "Armageddon" are always those who are adaptable, resourceful and most willing to suddenly resort to becoming hunter gatherers....those most willing and able to live like animals......those most able to give up their own will for God's Will, His Son.

Oh, the YouTube video:
"National Geographic-Strange Days on Earth-Part 3 of 4-Predator"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIXAytRvDQ0&list=WLSRMh7_b8QVxwRo8f9PLHLtTBTZoII0GQ

You Can't Tell Them They Have Been Duped

     I have noticed certain things about people. Due to insecurities you can't tell them they are wrong or have been misled about something. Their reactions tend to be extreme. For example: tell a person who is insecure about their intellect that they have been misused and they tend ot react in one of two extremes: the first is digging their heals in. They can't be wrong and so they will find every reason, every excuse, every justification to continue persuing their activities and/or perceptions. They reinforce themselves. The second is the insecure full of self doubt who get way too hard on themselves and give up on everything.
    I saw these two extremes in personalities in action in response to the Boston marathon bombing. The first type got all blood thirsty and patriotic while the second all rushed ot give up their guns and cry out for government security, letting government agents and police walk right into their houses, take over their streets.
   Now come the conspiracy theorists. You really want to tell these people they have been duped? It's laughable. The first type will dig in their heals and become more persistent while the second will give up on life in general. They will do nothing. But as they say: "Just because you are paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you". So, if our pride can take it (first type of personality) and we won't be overwhelmed (second type), we can examine the following and maybe gain some perspective on the truth of our situation as a country:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/us-news-blog/2013/apr/24/boston-marathon-conspiracy-theories

http://bananenplanet.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/boston-bombing-what-you-arent-being-told/

The following one contains a lot of swearing, so parental warning on content.
http://bananenplanet.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/boston-what-really-happened/


Either which way turns out to be the truth, I was not impressed by the bloodlust directed at a couple of teenagers and hatred filled patriotism that turned neighbor against any neighbor who would not give in to flag waving and gun rights activism. I picked up on people who were obviously plants to encourage the hatred and violence, one of whom was my own cousin. Beware the patriotic fervor if you wish to keep your head within sound reason.

We Date What We Hate

    I had read once how the worst qualities within us are drawn to the worst qualities in other people and that is how we choose our mates. I thought that was crazy. Weren't we drawn to their good qualities, the things we love about them? But then those little quirks we found so endearing do become extremely annoying, don't they? I have come to understand this all happens for several reasons.
    1) in a lower consciousness, which we are all born in basically, emotions are experienced in the lower body. So, excitement of any sort; fear anger, anxiety, passion, love, a challenge.....all excite us sexually. Energy builds up in the lower body, seeking release. (off-topic: The opposite extreme is spiritual ecstasy....too much energy built up in the upper body. Doesn't matter of it's good or bad energy, it's just too much energy that has found a new channel to travel).
    2) Environmental conditioning. We are taught from parental example and even verbal instruction: this is the type of person whose attention we want to get, this is how we interact with them, respond to them , get their attention. Someone comes along who is different and we just don't know what to do with them. We can go into a room full of wealthy, successful people and come out with the one single person who will ultimately make us unhappy because were raised to choose them and they were trained to respond to the cues we were sending. A change of choice in social class, status, race, color, gender do not indicate an upward movement in relationships. You will always attract and choose what you were programmed to. Most of us hate ourselves/suffer from insecurities and hate our parents, our families/our environments and so it is that we draw to us/are attracted to our environments/the same kind of people who we thus hate.
    3) Insecurities, once again, for a different reason. We don't believe we deserve any better and so we "settle" or choose someone as self-punishment. degradation.
    4) Fate/Destiny. There are outside forces and soul contracts that are made.
    5) Our natures. If we are healing souls we will be drawn to those most in need of healing. If we are sickly and want healing, we will be drawn to those who are supportive and healing. Insecurities would cause the sickly to hate or resent the healer and the healer may, due to lower consciousness misinterpret the need to heal someone with love/infatuation/sexual attraction. On higher levels of consciousness: mental and emotional maturity, the true nature of a relationship is recognized and entered into responsibly. A more mature healer would not get romantically involved with one in need of healing and one in need of healing would not form an infatuation with/attachment to/dependency upon the one healing. A healer begins to recognize those who are sickly yet do not want healing, those who say they want it or act like it but don't really. And those who are ill recognize an authentic healer of higher caliber who can be trusted not to form a dependency upon their need for healing or an unhealthy attachment to them.
     That is the myriad reasons why most of us date what hate. And come to think of it, these are also the reasons we end up in circumstances we find unpleasant. You can give a poor person millions of dollars and then sit by in wonderment as they quickly become poor again. Or help someone cleanup their house, yard, lifestyle and they will once again become a mess. They are why we can heal someone and they will once again become sick. Until the person reaches mental and emotional maturity/ a higher consciousness, anything we change will change right back again and any changes feel unpleasant.
    The cool thing is, we have the power to change every single one of those reasons.

Rights and Responsibilities

    Rights and  responsibilities are inherently connected. Where there are no rights, there is no responsibility. So, for example,  if one's parental rights are being willfully denied by a person of authority there is no "parental responsibility". To force upon another the responsibilities of a relationship is a form of violence against that person, the one refusing to take responsibility loses all rights in that they have relinquished them. The one then assuming those rights cannot be held responsible for how they take responsibility for the responsibility thrust upon them. The one refusing to take responsibility is accountable to the one whom they have forced responsibility upon and can be held responsible for restitution for any injuries incurred by the one forced into a position of responsibility.
  A responsible person does not rob others of their responsibilities, they may help them fulfill them, however they do not dismiss them nor undermine them. They certainly don't go running to "mommy" when they feel insecure and threatened. They take responsibility for themselves, their relationships and their actions.

You say you're just being yourself

 You can say and know that you are just being yourself when the song in your heart does not match that of everyone else's. It is when nothing in "pop" culture resonates. You know you are just being yourself when you can be by yourself. You know you are just being you when you let our hair grow out the way yours was made to instead of like everyone else's or something you saw in a magazine or to look like your mother's. You know you are just being yourself when you let yourself be yourself: your legs be hairy instead of shaving them to be like a baby's. When you don't paint up your face to look like a statue or to get a reaction. When you cry because you are unhappy rather than beating someone who is "tough" and yelling.
     Just being yourself is being honest with and about yourself. Shrugging and saying "it don't bother me" when it hurts or makes you angry is lying and being someone else. When you're crying to the same songs, flirting with the same rythms, mimicking the same dances as everyone around you, you are nothing but a clone in a machine programmed to say the words "there is no one else like me", when in fact, you are saying the same thing as everyone else around you.
     Getting a tattoo does not make you original or young and hip, just expressing yourself. It makes you just like everyone else because very few people don't have tattoos these days. When you get your face pierced in some ridiculous way, you are not just being you and expressing yourself. You're being just like every other teenager out there seeking some way to look cool, tough and part of the crowd, imitating entertainers instead of yourself. When you decide to act tough instead of admitting you're scared you are being a coward. People will make fun of you and ridicule you because you are lying. They judge you because you have judged yourself as unworthy of expression.
     Tough is being brave enough to tell the truth: I'm hurt, I'm scared, I'm angry. Being brave is not being afraid of yourself. Being brave is not being afraid of just being yourself. "Just being different" or "just being crazy", is just being like everyone else who is trying to stand out in a crowd. And yet when you stand out for being different, truly being yourself, you try to be just like everybody else by dying your hair a different color then everyone else in your immediate environment who is dying their hair to be a different color than yours is. If you stop shaving your legs just to be different then you are just being like everyone else. If you are not bathing or cutting your hair just to be different and prove  you just don't care...you are being just like everyone else out there.
    When you complain no one understands you: well, no kidding. You are not being you, you're not being honest. How are they supposed to understand if you are not being an explanation; expressing your true inner being? People will only tell you what you are telling yourself already.
     And when you are a woman wearing men's clothing, a girl wearing her boyfriend's jacket or hat or ring, you are wearing a man because you think it makes you pretty. You're not just being yourself. You are being a part of that man, you're being his hat, his jacket or his ring because you think it makes you desireable to be anything but just you, just being yourself. And he will treat you like his property, like he treats his hat, his jacket or his ring. And you whine he is not treating you like a human being. Well, you're not being a human being. You're being an ornament, a decoration. And you're whining at him and blaming him because he is not acting like the ornament you have made him to be.
     When an adult tells you how you are causing your own problems, it is not as you say: that they just don't understand. It's because they understand perfectly. I know where you are coming from because I came from there myself. I know the consequences of the choices you are making because I made them myself. And you might say "Well, your life isn't turning out well" and I tell you....that is my point exactly.

Generations

What follows is my response to one who expressed being disheartened by their being subject to the "baby boomers" generation:

While there are always exceptions, for the most part, we who are children of the baby boomers were subjected to parents either self-absorbed with secular achievements and mainstream traditional religions or the hippies, self-absorbed with their own enlightenment and love-making, relationships. Disillusioned by the self-centeredness and resulting abuse and/or neglect, those children grew up directionless. We sought neither because we saw both as fruitless. We cling to our children but are clueless as to how to connect with them, many get attached rather than bonded. Many try to parent and befriend. Basically my peers are all on drugs, abuse alcohol or are absorbed by some form of addiction, constantly seeking numbness to the emptiness resulting from a perceived forced participation in society's basic requirements: school, employment, and social interactions. This leaves our children confused and without foundations. It's a mess. And of course, baby boomers are products of their own parents who experienced financial prosperity and materialistic excesses.

And as I think further on it, the generation from which the baby boomers were born (our grandparents, baby boomer's parents) were themselves rebellious as they broke the rules of the church concerning birth control and divorce, etc. They rebelled against servitude in employment. They became, in their view, more "enlightened" and strived to be free of limitations. The boomers learned rebelliousness from them. Then the boomers' children learned disdain as the secular half disdained the hippies and the hippies disdained the secular. So, my generation became disillusioned with what their parents idolized while carrying in them their parents' disdain for the other perspective. Thus our children are full of rebellion, disillusionment and disdain. Yup, it's a mess.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OqwKfgLaeA&feature=player_detailpage#t=0s


"As above, so below, do we not sing this anthem to our god, too?"  That is why they sleep in lonely beds of their own making.

Bruce Lipton The New Biology Where Mind and Matter Meet
A YouTube video
http://youtu.be/cLl7X5TkF_Q

In light of this, I think we can call the newest generation, age 25 and younger, "The Street Fighter Generation", children of the X Generation. Due to the New Age influence of non-violence on the literal streets, they take their street fighting to the their streets: the internet, waging war on places like Facebook. You can definitely see it in their mentality, the lack of discernment, critical and analytical thinking. They are all brawn and defensive instinct.

Life, Liberty and the Persuit of Happiness

    The American Founders acknowledged inalienable rights of all men: the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our country's history has been a struggle to gain understanding of what exactly that means.
    The right to life includes the right to everything that sustains it: food, shelter, clothing, protection and defense. But it is more than that. It is the right to be the embodiment of life, it's essence. It is the right to be life-affirming and life-giving.
     The right to liberty is the right to be without chains, conditions, indoctrination, instructions and guidance. It is the right to learn lessons. But it is more than that. It is the right to aspire, be inspired and to be the source of inspiration. It is the right to spiritual well-being and it's expression.
      The right to the pursuit of happiness is the right to movement toward our aspirations. It is the right to stop something and then restart it. It is the right to dream and sing in abundance, to dance and pursue our interests. We have the right to everything that supports such movement.
      And yet, these are not the rights of ALL men. These rights belong only to those who possess them: those in whom they are recognized and acknowledged. If you believe you must work for a living, earn your keep, then of you it shall be expected. If you believe you need structure and guidance, to it you will be subjected. If you believe happiness has it's limits, for you it will be limited.       
      This is not a "your thoughts create your reality speech", in that you create this for yourself by thinking it as if you were God himself. It is because you believe it that people can take advantage of you and make you pay for these things, to enslave you to working for them for the benefit of the people who make money off your production. Because you refuse to believe differently, God cannot liberate you from your enslavement. His freedom, you call lazy. Did not the one you call Jesus say "work not for riches, material things or worry about what you shall wear or eat"?  Did you know that in other countries people really do live and eat for free? Every citizen has a choice: when you graduate from basic education you can choose college and a career or a state stipend. You don't have to have an excuse or disability, there is no "welfare". Everyone eats, has housing, clothing and medical care. They work shorter days and have very long, frequent vacations so people will spend time with their families. We fear such a system as "communism", but our government has inspired us to fear the idea of us entrusting them with this.  And probably for good reason. 
    The belief that we have to earn our keep and work to deserve to eat is an expression of fear and insecurity.

Mother receives restitution

     Intangible to the rest, yet sure to manifest, the mother receives restitution, justification and revenge.

Being a stand up person

Had some reflections earlier on becoming and being a stand-up kind of person:

"I've got to learn how to stand up for myself before I can be counted on to stand up for anyone else."


"It's only when I'm a stand-up kind of person that anyone else will stand up for me."


"I know my little son is going to be a stand-up kinda man, he nearly beat his sister to death for touching the flower he picked for me, heehee (expressed appreciation for the sentiment, but not for hitting sissy)......... There must be some kind of stand-up in me already for him to have gotten it......cool beans!"

"Self-awareness creates self confidence and self confidence reaps confidence in you from other people."

All of this is well and good, but what if there are no people around you who have their own self confidence, are not themselves stand-up kinds of people?

We live in a community where many people talk about each other but never to each other. It is a community where many people will rush to stand against one another but never for one another. They are like broken records asserting how great they are but unable to assert any greatness that exists in them. They boast of their own good deeds but never about anyone else's. From what I've witnessed, every act of giving, of generosity, from these people is actually an act of entrapment for which the receiver will pay later with debt held against them or a bad reputation given to them. That is why stand-up people in need of assistance don't ask for it unless truly desperate. That is why so many won't even give this group a second glance...they assume it won't be any different.

So, can we be different? Can we bring out the stand-up person within ourselves and each other? Can we draw to us any stand-up people who ARE out there?

Rolling Thunder Express Ad

http://www.rollingthunderexpress.com/

It was not printed as the submission was written, this is what was submitted:
 Detroit Village Neighborly
Detroit Village Neighborly would like to introduce it's self to the community. We are a group of neighbors living in Detroit looking after each other and raising community awareness on topics of interest to us and our community such as domestic violence, bullying, homeschooling, and voting. To learn more, join in the conversation or become an active neighbor. You can find us online at http://detroitvillagegrandmashouse.blogspot.com/
Call 207-408-2016 or email morningstarcrystal@gmail.com

As you can see, there is quite a difference between what was submitted and the interpretation given to the editor of that submission. There is no intention to watch the community in an effort to seek out issues to contend with. 'first remove the beam in your own eye, then remove the sliver in your brother's' is a more appropriate approach to anything in life. 'These are our issues and this is how we are handling them' is more the approach we are taking. Thinking ourselves watched by someone on a fault-finding mission would make anyone paranoid and crazy, so that is the last thing we ought to be doing. This community is not, by this group, being "policed". There is a distinct difference between standing up and stating "this is what has been done to me, this is what I am doing myself to correct it, will you help me with the part I can't do alone?" and simply setting out accusing, doing nothing one's self but asking someone else to take vengeance. There is a difference between stating and complaining. We are making a statement or we are whining, taking responsibility or playing the victim. While the difference may be elusive to many, the difference too subtle to understand, it does exist. It is the line in the sand.

Health Insurance Required: what that means to me.

Usually, a requirement from government is "prophetic". People in positions of power and authority usually know things common people don't. That doesn't neccessarily make it a consiparacy, they just have knowledge and insight the average person does not. Many times they keep it to themselves because the average person can't handle knowing what they know. They're just trying to keep widespread panic down so people don't go around destroying themselves and everyone else in the process. So, our government is now requiring everybody carry health insurance. That tells me that yes, medical treatment and supplies will be limited. That tells me yes, there are threats to our health and well-being coming over the horizen. And there the average person goes, fretting over the requirement to obtain health insurance. They stress out, develope heart conditions, start drinking or doing drugs, endagering their health, all of which leads to that person raising their own insurance premiums. That "prophesy" is already seeing fulfillment. Trying to stop where this world is going is like jumping in front of a train. Not going to happen. You only end up killing yourself. 
     So what is the best, most affordable health insurance you can get? Self-awareness and emotional self-sufficiency. Insurance you work and pay for is an outer security against inward self-destruction. Your health and well-being are determined by your emotions. Stress, an expression of fearful emotions like insecurity, causes health problems. Those health problems make you dependent upon the healthcare system. As the health care system gets more and more expensive, more and more difficult to access, the more out of reach it gets. The more out of reach it gets, the more fearful you get. Your reliance upon it leads you to your own destruction.
     When a person knows themselves, their own strengths and weaknesses, their own insecurites, they know their limitations. Knowing our limitations gives us the strength and courage to defend them. This defense of ourselves stregthens us, we experience less limitation. This inner strength and resulting freedom from limitations gives us a sense of security. That sense of security is an inner insurance against poor health and promotes over-all well-being. God gave that to me.
     Once we have that inner security, we just roll with the punches. Choices become easy. The issue of health insurance becomes easy. If you're amongst the truly poor, government provides it. If you're working, it will often come through the company you work for. If you can't afford it and it isn't part of job benefits, you either choose to go up or down the scale: make more money to provide for it or let yourself drop down to having it provided for you. Either that or you are in a place of inner security that makes you O.K. with not having it. If you or your family truly needs medical care, you will find a way to get it.
    Believe it or not, there are still people in the United States who set their own children's broken arms. There are people who pull their own teeth. I myself feel better letting a doctor do those things. But I do alot of research on natural health treatments. Maintaining our own bodies is really our own responsibility, not somebody else's. It's up to each of us to seek out how best we can do that. Some rely on prayer. Some rely on family, neighbors, books, and other second-hand sources of information. Some go to doctors. Which we choose is determined by our own level of inner security which is dependent upon our own self-awareness of our own limitations. Your beliefs will determine your experience of fulfillment regarding the government's "prophesies". If you believe you need health insurance, worse and worse things will come upon you causing your need for it and your belief that you will die without it will come true. If, on the other hand, you believe you're safe and can handle what comes your way, choices become easier, your health gets better and you live to see another day. That prophecy did not see fulfillment. You didn't have to jump in front of a train and get flattened. Possibly, quite possibly, enough people did the same thing and the train had no tracks to take it your way, it was "stopped in it's tracks" or was never a train that existed anyways. As they say "Be the change you want to see in the world". If you want everyone to have health insurance, BE your own health insurance. Others will follow.

A Great Wrestling

 The first thoughts to hit my mind this morning after waking were how those who share photos with the comments "If you would step in and help a child who is being bullied repost this", have heard the stories I have posted of how each of my children are being bullied by their fathers, and yet do nothing are hypocrits and liars. They "see" my children and I being bullied and yet do nothing about it. We are but a part of their "bread and circuses". But that thought led me to a very dark place in my mind, one I associate and fear as being full of hatred and judgement and condemnation, of being anything but loving. That is not who I want to be, it is not where I want to dwell; there, in that inner darkness so emotionally distressed I can't even think reasonably. So, how do I set myself free?, I wondered. Thus began the great wrestling that ended in peace.
     To fight what is happening to me and my children would be rebellion and resistence (that which we resist persists, "do not resist evil", we are told in scripture, and God hates rebelliousness). I am reminded of a message God gave me:"Do you think I am unable to give you your children?". It CAN be that easy. So God is allowing it to happen this way for now for some reason. God never does anything without a reason. So, God is not giving it to these people to help me. Scripture says a person cannot do one righteous act unless God gives him the will and means to do it. God is not giving it to these people to do this, what does that mean? Does that mean God hates them, that God hates what they are doing? The thought strikes me: if they condemn these men by helping me, they condemn their own families who did the same to them, they condemn what they themselves are doing. That takes courage, to do what I do, to live life as I live it, honestly, openly, with integrity and self-reflection in the face of everything. "He who loves father or mother or brother or sister more than me is not worthy of me", the saying is recorded to be. If we fear offending family, making them angry, more than we fear God, then we are loving them more than we love truth, justice, honesty and integrity, which is the essence of God's state of being. If we do not kill within us that which causes us to be abusive, we are loving our lives, our existence in darkness, more than our neighbor, the ones we call friends, our families, and "God who is in me".
     And I do admit to having had reticence concerning this thing: bringing such children into my life, the life of my younger children. My older daughters are full of strife, fear and meanness, just plain viscious like the fathers who raised them. Do I really want them in my home abusing me and my younger children? But I also know that deep within them lie my genes. If ever the kingdom of God was written within them, it can be retrieved. God would give that to me. So, I simply need to wait and be patient, apparently to "do nothing" but allow God to choose for me. Inaction is a choice in it's self and my inaction is the choosing to allow God to do for me whatever it is He is willing.
   Part of the arguement within me this morning concerned eyes being opened. How many times in scripture do we read God saying "If their eyes are opened, I would have to heal them". That is why it is reported the one called Jesus spoke in parables. It is why God prophesied in parables to Isreal. I think of how I have seen eyes opened, most dramatically in my mother. With sudden clarity she looked at my youngest children and exclaimed "All they want to do is love me! They do not want anything from me". It was an intense realization and reminded me of when she was driving me back to Maine after they first took my older children. She was ranting at me how we just needed to stop trying to control what the other was doing. She caught herself for a moment and turned to me with dawning clarity and said "You have never tried to control me". Then it was as if a black metal door dropped before her face as it darkened and she went back to ranting at me. What was her choice of action after each of these "eyes being opened" experiences? With my younger children, she bought them shovels this past winter so they could learn to do chores and 'earn their keep'. They may not have wanted anyting from her, but she sure as hell wanted to impose her beliefs on them. Back then after her eyes were opened concerning me, she betrayed me helping them take my children from me, treating me like a suspicious criminal, being informant for the enemy. Even most recently, when we desperately needed diapers, I asked her. She delivered a big ol' box of them but while handing them over, she tapped on the box pointendly and told me I would have to make a greater effort potty training. Conditional giving, still trying to control me. Putting off information on how to switch the electric bill over to my name: so she could hold it against me that I wasn't paying it. I am no longer naive. From that point on I sought diapers from other sources who would not give conditionally and discovered for myself how to get the bills in my name.
   Eyes will be opened but only for a moment so when they stand before God, they cannot claim to have never been allowed to see. The end for such people is misery. And what about these "great things" people do in fact do for me? like allowing me to live here rent free. Number one, the place is not rentable and yet she wanted every penny I got to pay full rent. Her original intent was no "great deed". But she still benefits as I am keeping the place in good repair, it is not falling down due to neglect, being filled with mold, mildew, dust and insects like the rest left unoccupied. My presence is as good as any security system. And I will tell you what I know of God's justice. You see, every time God liberated Isreal from her oppressors, they left with the wealth of the nations they were leaving. In Egypt, for their labors they got whips and chains, their children murdered. When they left they were commanded to ask of their neighbors all the riches, gold and jewelry. They got it. When Isreal left Babylon to rebuild the temple, not only did they get back the gold utensils taken from the temple, but also the wood and money to rebuild it, their lives and their cities. They took the wealth of that nation with them. So, if I leave with anything, having had anything given me, it is God giving me what I should have received while I was here and God raping them as they raped me. If there are feelings of hurt, anger, of being used and abused, of ingratitude, it is only what is being returned to you for all the hurt, neglect, abuse and lack of gratitude for what I was and did for you. For, you see, I do feel grateful for every bit given, the feelings left behind are a misrepresentation of what I am feeling, but an experience deserved in return for the experience given me. It is an ILLUSION that YOU will suffer under. And then for your condemnation of me for that illusion, you yourself will receive condemnation instead of me. For when I had means, I did more for you than you ever did for me. The path of destruction I have been reported as leaving, is only destruction revisted on the people who destroyed me. It is evil returning to it's source of origins, not a conscious effort from me. I am simply *aware* of what is coming, I am in no way consciously creating it for me. The desire for vengence does not live in me. I am innocent and only observing and reporting on what I see happening.
    This is my legacy. In my heart lives peace. Today fear and hatred found no home in me. I am God's Magenta Flame. The Bright and Morning Star lives in me with Crystal clarity. "Only the righteous will fly with me."
    

Not living up to our full potential

Just some train of thought writing that can probably be more fully explored and developed later:  

I am sure we have all seen it; especially teachers in schools, when smart people do "bad things" and when "bad things happen to good people", etc. The cheerleader prom queen and class valedictorian end up pregnant drug addicts and no one understands because they came from such a good family. They see it in the super jock that beats up on his girlfriend. We see it in the "eccentric" billionaires and "mad" scientists. I remember in the private high school I attended, I was called into the principle's office because none of the teachers nor the principle could figure out why I was getting such poor grades. "You have one of the highest IQs in your class and yet you are barely making Ds, why is this?" I didn't know. I was just a kid. I was depressed. The depression was a shut down, a self-defense mechanism triggered by stress.
   You can be intellectually advanced, but the emphasis and reliance upon that intelligence can cause a diminishing of the importance of emotions. One becomes imbalanced and even handicapped if the emotional aspects are not nurtured and brought to maturity. The immature emotional development then drags down the intelligence, causing it to make poor decisions. "You should know better than that!". Um, no we shouldn't. Wisdom, knowing, is not just an intellectual intelligence, it is knowledge coupled with understanding, the emotional experience of something. We are not truly smart unless we are intellectually and emotionally mature. And it is precisely other people's focus on my own intellectual abilities and maturity that led me to believe I had nothing wrong with me, when in fact, my emotional development was never acknowledged or adequately addressed. This is how geniuses make stupid choices.
   This is why when sent to a counselor as a teen I responded logically, perfectly coherent and the counselor told me I didn't have to be there, I was just fine. It is why I believed him.
   This is why we can intellectually answer something but people sense we are fakes: we are not feeling it. Because they sense our insecurity and doubt about "knowing" a thing, they accuse us of lying. We are experiencing cognitive dissonance as our head believes one thing: we are telling the truth, but our hearts are telling us another: we are experiencing self doubt due to insecurity born of emotional immaturity or invalidation or immaturity due to invalidation.
   Anyone can know anything and yet not understand it. They can have the knowledge yet not apply it.
   And anyone can understand something but not have the words/knowledge of it.
That is why people we think should know we love them for reasons we may give, don't actually know it. That is why people love someone and treat them like they hate them. It why we love people who treat us badly.
   Once again, emotions, like fear or love, over ride the brain, causing damage through self-destructive behaviors and choices.
  This is why we need to give our emotional intelligence words to express it's self. It is why intellectual intelligence cannot tell us what terrorism is. It is why intellectual intelligence cannot tell us what abuse it. It is only the emotional intelligence that can define and explain these things to us.
  But at the same time, an emotionally healthy and happy person can make poor decisions when they lack or ignore their intellectual warnings, the rules, laws, and guidence set forth naturally, by parents with more worldly experience or an educated society.
  That is where limitations come in, which may seem controlling or abusive if they were applied inappropriately. It is why limitations may be placed on one individual yet not another whose capacities might be more maturely developed. That is why people may see what they believe are "unfair" or inconsistent applications of rules, treatment, or laws. We may have all been born with equal rights, but we are not all born with equal capabilities nor into equally nurturing environments. It is why one victim of domestic violence may be granted custody while another victim of domestic violence may have custody taken from them. Both were born into traumatic environments, but only one has overcome it and moved on to maturity. That is why I can have compassion for my exes, yet understand that what I will ask of the courts is neither hypocritical nor detrimental to my children. I was once asked "What?! It's OK for you to do but not me?", to which I replied honestly "Yes". I hate to say it, but yes, what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. One can divulge personal information to extend understanding of a situation for the greater good of themselves, their family and their community, whereas another will be doing it untrained, resulting in it simply being gossip and a cause for unnecessary drama. And there is productive drama as well as non-productive drama; drama we should engage in and that which we shouldn't.
     This is why I may choose to do that which was done to me, not as an act of vengence, out of maliciousness, or wanting to bring trouble upon anyone, but because of careful consideration of knowledge and understanding gained over the past few years concerning what is in the best interests of all involved. As much as I detest the legal process, it is needed to limit the immaturity dependent upon it for it's own legitimacy. It is the only thing it will respect because it has no self control nor understanding of what respect is in it's self.

Throwing a big word into the mix: "cognitive dissonance"

Cognitive dissonance is the inability to intellectually grasp a situation due to emotional interference. For example: frustrated mother expresses frustrations. In response some people she associates with offer to help her, maybe even hide her and her children. Mother discusses things openly, maybe considers the repercussions but chooses not to do such a thing. Instead, she chooses to give the legally required notice before moving into a new residence, starts a legitimate job and lives openly. Her exes and those who enable them fail to grasp the facts of the situation: the mother did NOT try to run off and hide herself and children. It was paranoia/fear causing cognitive dissonance which caused the exes and their abettors to act as if the mother had chosen to run off instead.
Cognitive dissonance is a common condition amongst those whose environments are unhealthy, traumatic and/or abusive. It is prevalent whenever an environment is hostile unless a person's intellectual and emotional maturity makes them immune to it. It blurs the mind so effectively that a person fails to be able to read words clearly written in black and white before them. I have seen people actualy read words that did not exist on a piece of paper due to cognitive dissonance. I have witnessed people not hearing what was said, but instead hearing what they feared would be said. It causes offense to be taken when no offense has been committed, it "reads into" expressions and actions what is not existent in them. It is a malfunction of the brain where emotions cause imagination to blend with reality creating a distortion of actual events and memory of them. They cannot accurately see what is directly in front of them.
The condition of cognitive dissonance is prevalent amongst those who are part of "high control groups" religions or relationships, where a single person or a small group of people are very controlling and manipulative of the people they influence. The unhealthy levels of control create stress which overloads the subjected parties senses, traumatizes them and disrupts their ability to think, their brain function. This becomes a physical problem as it has disrupted the neuron pathways of the brain. Like a muscle, healthy thought patterns need to be introduced and exercised to overcome the physical handicap created by the abusive situation/traumatic environment.
We see this amongst people who engage in a lot of gossip and judementalism. The pressure of constantly being criticized and under scrutiny causes people to snap, spreading false rumors and exaggerations, causing more damage in ever elevating levels of community upheaval, leading to the violence of bullying and such extreme examples as murder within families, witch hunts, hangings, and genocides.
We see this in those who work high stress jobs. When people "go postal" they had already begun to experience cognitive dissonance, paranoid delusions, etc.
We see it a lot in those highly impacted by events like terrorism, violence in society, natural disasters, etc., which is much of the world's and our country's population.
You see it happen in courtrooms where lawyers try to create cognitive dissonance in those they are questioning and you see it in people questioned by police who give false confessions.
Fear causes brain damage. That brain damage manifests as cognitive dissonance. We've probably all been a victim of it at one time or another, either having misunderstood/misperceived a situation or been on the receiving end of someone else's misunderstanding/misperception of a situation.

Wikipedia's explanation:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

A judge I can respect and a public thank you

This morning I have been given to reflect on what we do have going for us in what I face ahead of me.
      As I sat and listened in the Skowhegan courtroom to the case that went before me, I was truly impressed by the judge. Rather than arrogantly presiding over the courtroom and then cooly dismissing the case before him because there wasn't enough evidence, he read the law more than once out loud. He admitted the wording of the law was new to him, new in Maine, and he was exploring how it could be applied to the case of the man before him. He compassionately explained why he believed the law could not be applied to the man's case. He asked the man questions, phrased in a variety of ways to try to draw out of the man an answser that would allow him to apply the law in this man's case. Unfortunately, the man did not have the words to do this. The man was clearly terrified of having his drug addicted son in his home. You could see his sense of powerlessness, the same powerlessness so common in many parents today, a powerlessness I myself have felt against the angry onslought of a teen. But you could see he was a strong man who had swallowed alot of pride to even bring this before a court, to admit his son intimidated him. He just didn't have the words.
     I had the words because I had the guidence and counseling while in a different state. Because of that education, I also had the empowerment to speak the words clearly, giving the judge what he needed before my case was even called before him, so that when my case was called there was no hesitation or struggle. The requested order was granted. I was given even more protection than I had asked for.
     Ten years ago I did not have the words and Maine did not have the laws worded to protect me or my children. These things are only now just in place. When I say that the domestic violence scene is behind the rest of the nation, it is not to make anyone feel bad, condemn them, or belitle them. It is not to prop myself up as smarter or better than anyone else. I am no smarter, I have only been blessed with the inner drive to leave this state and seek out what was needed to empower myself to change things for my children. Then God drove me back here, bringing with me what I had gained. I am humbled by what it must have taken for those who did supply the words for the new laws to get them on the books. They are foreign words here. They are foreign concepts as they redefine behaviors accepted as normal for generations. Change is not easy for anyone and is usually met with great resistence, anger and resentment. The men and women who have fought to bring these concepts and words into greater awareness here in Maine have my grattitude and respect. I know what I met with when I brought them to my family ten years ago. The resistence, anger and resentment was strong enough to drive me away and keep me away. I could not imagine taking this before an entire state.
    So, no, I don't believe all laws are bad. Nor do I believe everyone who works in government is evil. There may be laws to vote yes on. It's just too bad we need to.
    This is a public thank you to judges such as the one in Skowhegan and all those bringing the words and laws to Maine that give us what we need to make us better able to give to our children what they need to be safe, healthy and happy.

"My Space, My Body!"

"My space, my body!" I heard from my daughter this morning as she stood up for herself against her brother's jumping onto her. I had just taught her about that the other day, that she can stand up for herself, her own body. I realize I was not only teaching her how to defend herself, empowering her, but also how to take responsibility for herself and her body. I was never taught that, so I took responsibility for everyone else's assaults on me and lived as a victim, blaming everyone else. Now that I can stand up for myself and defend my rights, my thoughts, my emotions, my spirituality, now that I can call someone else's speech abusive, I am finally taking responsibility for myself instead of blaming everybody else by accepting responsibility for their actions. Following are arguments I've had thrown at me this morning by an abuser who has custody of one of my children. I post them here so they can be of use to someone else who might be intellectually and emotionally intimidated in similar fashion. I will add to it as anything comes up.

Emotional influence does not make the providing of emotional guidance healthy: my father was a child molester and provided for us emotionally. Yet what he provided was definitely not healthy.
Financial support of a child does not necessarily indicate exceptional responsibility or fitness as a parent. I had a house to live in, clothes to wear, and fod to eat as a child, even had horses, snowmobiles, four-wheelers, etc, yet my parents were unfit.

"You always blame everyone else". No, when I was avoiding confrontation, I was being a victim which is in essence blaming everyone else for my inactivity. Standing up for myself and pointing the finger in the RIGHT direction is taking responsibility for my own situation. Not pointing the finger in the right direction is taking responsibility from everyone else, which is irresponsible. I had no right taking their responsibility away by taking it upon myself.

Living in the same house and working the same job for 50 years does not make a person "stable". Consistence in emotional maturity is what makes an environment stable. Persistence in pursuing mental health and well-being is consistency and stability. Each change provides an increasingly stable environment for a child.

"Everyone who knows you....." yeah, and "everyone" who knew Hitler had good things to say about him. Public opinion really does not prove anyone's character.

PTSD may have affected my "fitness" as a parent, but it did not make me any LESS fit than the men who were abusing me and ARE abusing my daughters.


Speaking of my daughter: "She will see right through you!". "I hope she does, then she will see in me a mother who truly loves her."

"Do not yell at me." or "Do not raise your voice to me". to which I reply: "I am not yelling, I am speaking clearly and assertively" They just aren't used to hearing it from a woman.

Accusation: "Everywhere you went, you left a path of destruction behind".
Reply: No, I didn't. I left more than I ever took. The accountant was a renter, employed, and pushed around by a trainer. When I left, he had a house, became self-employed, and had his own barn, did his own training.
The unemployed JW adherent went from trailer-trash nobody to popular with the ladies, remarried, had a job with benefits.
They have absolutely beautiful children by me.
Any broken hearts can be laid upon their doorstep, if they had been good to me, I would never have had to leave.
The path of destruction is only now going to begin. But "destroying" or taking power from abusers is a GOOD thing.


Accusation: It was you who made poor choices in choosing these men.
Response: I am no more flawed in my decision making than those who recommended them to me nor those who would presently stand in their defense.

priceless: the look on my daughter's face when she tried poking at and provoking her brother and I told her "Your brother's space, his body, you will respect it".
My son won't be anyone's victim either
In empowering him, I also decrease the chances he will ever become an abuser.

Threat from ex: She is old enough that the court is going to go with her opinion and she wants nothing to do with you.
My response: No, she is old enough that the court will take her feelings into consideration, but will decide what is best for her regardless.

Another accusation from the ex: We have spent the last 10 years in fear of you coming back and kidnapping her or something. I might rejoice at them having also experienced a bit of discomfort over the past years, however it is nothing to rejoice over when one realizes that this means for the past ten years my daughters have been indoctrinated with my return being a worst nightmare. No wonder they don't want anything to do with me, if their fathers speak honestly, their fathers instilled in them a very deep fear of me. Now THAT is evil.

  I had another response to the multiple attempts to degrade me with their stating that at least they are working to support their family. Working is easy. You follow a set of directions and get to it. I was relieved this summer every time I could stack wood or mow a lawn to earn money to take care of my children. Not only did it provide a means to do that, but it gives a person a sense of accomplishment and self worth. Physical labor gets energy moving, makes the heart and soul feel liberated, cleaned out. It is invigorating. Interacting with other adults can be refreshing after spending most of one's time with children. You know what ISN'T easy? Doing the inner work it takes to become a mature, healthy, happy person who can be a real asset to their children and their community. It is a grueling daily confrontation of one's own fears, faults, and thinking processes. I am sacrificing my own self-fulfillment a job could bring in exchange for attending to what needs attending to for the health and well-being of my children. There aren't even those living lives of luxury wiling to make that journey, yet I am doing it in circumstances that require I wash our clothes daily by hand in a bucket. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.

And the ex's lie, an opportunity to "push his weight around": "I have no phone number or physical address on you. "
I included my new number in a letter I sent, but let's just humor him an apologize if I was mistaken in believing that. As for my physical address, I know for a fact he's had it for a year and half now. Not only was my mailing address in California also my residential one, but my own oldest daughter informed me she would be telling my exes I was coming and what I would be doing when I got here "because they have a right to know". From comments he made on the phone, I know they have all been in contact with one another discussing me, my every move. You don't let your worst nightmare move into town and NOT keep up with what they're doing. As if when I decided to come back, I didn't already realize the whole conspiring mob would reconnect. "The enemy of my enemy is my best friend" goes the saying. No matter what has divided them over the past ten years, I have no doubt they have "gotten over it" real quick once I stepped up and out.
But I humored him and carefully stated the physical address anyways.

What proof do I have that I have been abused? The very track record they condemn me for. No one "in their right mind" would have lived the life I lived. No one who had grown up in a healthy environment would have made the choices I have made.

I could see if I had been one of those parents who showed up once a year or every couple of years stirring up trouble, as they say, making empty promises and then wandering off again why someone might question my intentions or my ability to provide a healthy, stable environment for my children. However, I am not. I am a parent who knew her own limitations and dragged no one on a roller-coaster ride of emotionally instability while I did what I needed to get what I needed to become the parent I always wanted to be. I did not come in all aggressive, "guns blazing", wreaking havoc on anyone's life. No, I came back as quietly and patiently as possible out of respect for the discomfort I knew people would have at my presence. I quietly, respectfully and patiently sent cards and letters, not being intrusive, simply observing and allowing others their time and space, freedom of expression. I questioned myself, examined my own intentions, and waited until I was sure I had it in me to do what is needed to be what my children need. Only then did I begin to take more assertive action. This proves I am responsible and willing to sacrifice my own desires in the best interests of my children and because I can tell you, every day for the past ten years I have wanted nothing more than to kick some butt and hold my children again. I have demonstrated self control, respect for authority, and a willingness to be guided/cooperative/reasonable/open to conversation, working toward agreement. I did not get the same in return. I got ignored, belittled behind my back, discouraged, hindered, and outright attacked. It is not I who am unreasonable, paranoid nor unwilling to engage in cooperation, incapable of mature conversation.

    In our society, one cannot be prosecuted for a crime unless they commit it. Yet, I am constantly treated as if I stole away and hid my children. Sure, people offered to help me do it, but in the end I sent the letters telling everyone exactly where I was and what I was doing. I am paying for a crime a never committed. I cannot even be found guilty of conspiring for in response to the offer, I waited and prayed for another option to manifest. When that opportunity came, I was relieved. Noting in me wanted to be responsible for or be forced into kidnaping my own children.