I had read once how the worst qualities within us are drawn to the worst qualities in other people and that is how we choose our mates. I thought that was crazy. Weren't we drawn to their good qualities, the things we love about them? But then those little quirks we found so endearing do become extremely annoying, don't they? I have come to understand this all happens for several reasons.
1) in a lower consciousness, which we are all born in basically, emotions are experienced in the lower body. So, excitement of any sort; fear anger, anxiety, passion, love, a challenge.....all excite us sexually. Energy builds up in the lower body, seeking release. (off-topic: The opposite extreme is spiritual ecstasy....too much energy built up in the upper body. Doesn't matter of it's good or bad energy, it's just too much energy that has found a new channel to travel).
2) Environmental conditioning. We are taught from parental example and even verbal instruction: this is the type of person whose attention we want to get, this is how we interact with them, respond to them , get their attention. Someone comes along who is different and we just don't know what to do with them. We can go into a room full of wealthy, successful people and come out with the one single person who will ultimately make us unhappy because were raised to choose them and they were trained to respond to the cues we were sending. A change of choice in social class, status, race, color, gender do not indicate an upward movement in relationships. You will always attract and choose what you were programmed to. Most of us hate ourselves/suffer from insecurities and hate our parents, our families/our environments and so it is that we draw to us/are attracted to our environments/the same kind of people who we thus hate.
3) Insecurities, once again, for a different reason. We don't believe we deserve any better and so we "settle" or choose someone as self-punishment. degradation.
4) Fate/Destiny. There are outside forces and soul contracts that are made.
5) Our natures. If we are healing souls we will be drawn to those most in need of healing. If we are sickly and want healing, we will be drawn to those who are supportive and healing. Insecurities would cause the sickly to hate or resent the healer and the healer may, due to lower consciousness misinterpret the need to heal someone with love/infatuation/sexual attraction. On higher levels of consciousness: mental and emotional maturity, the true nature of a relationship is recognized and entered into responsibly. A more mature healer would not get romantically involved with one in need of healing and one in need of healing would not form an infatuation with/attachment to/dependency upon the one healing. A healer begins to recognize those who are sickly yet do not want healing, those who say they want it or act like it but don't really. And those who are ill recognize an authentic healer of higher caliber who can be trusted not to form a dependency upon their need for healing or an unhealthy attachment to them.
That is the myriad reasons why most of us date what hate. And come to think of it, these are also the reasons we end up in circumstances we find unpleasant. You can give a poor person millions of dollars and then sit by in wonderment as they quickly become poor again. Or help someone cleanup their house, yard, lifestyle and they will once again become a mess. They are why we can heal someone and they will once again become sick. Until the person reaches mental and emotional maturity/ a higher consciousness, anything we change will change right back again and any changes feel unpleasant.
The cool thing is, we have the power to change every single one of those reasons.
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