A funny thing happened on the way to fulfilling one of my goals for this year. I was responding to an email about becoming a certified volunteer advocate. They would interview me, do a backround check if they were considering me, etc. I was remembering how I am already an activist, I had organized that convoy of over 100 vehicles, how many had expressed to myself and others how inspired they were by me and so I had all the validation I needed......something clicked in my head: "maybe it is you who should be seeking to be associated with me. Maybe I should be the one interviewing you." I laughed at myself. That is not how things work in this system and I know it as well as anyone else, but the next day I realized that in a real world, it would. Reading about something and practicing it are two very different things, as anyone who has ever tried something new after only having read about it can verify. We have a bunch of people who have read a bunch of books and written in the politically correct answers on the right pieces of paper to get a degree(another piece of paper) that says they are qualified to help people like what I used to be. I, on the other hand, am a living success story. Would you take advice from someone who has a degree but 4 divorces since getting that degree or from someone who has been married for 50 years and has no degree whatsoever?
So, I began to reflect on my experiences with those people, did they REALLY know what they were talking about and did I really want to be associated with them? When I first returned to Maine, I called them for help in getting a restraining order. The court advocate was so disrespectful in her tone and I knew more than she had to offer, so I went it alone. The only problem with that was when applying for welfare, I wasn't allowed to take advantage of certain services and privacies because I was not working through them. The only benefit to me with working with them is the political influence and authority their pieces of paper give them.
Then I reflected even further back. I had stayed in one of their shelters a few years back, The support and services so poorly delivered and resources so limited, I went back to my abuser. At least my daughter would get her basic needs like diapers met there. At least I was mobile and not limited to a house and fenced-in yard. At least I'd have ciggarettes, lol.
It's not all their fault, really. They are limited by funding limiting them with conditions on what they can spend the money on. For example, this particulr shelter had ample funds for groceries. They were limited in reference to diapers by what was donated; they hadn't had any diapers donated lately. Rides to support groups were not provided. maybe it was limitations due to insurance or vehicle sizes or gas funding. These are the limits I want to break through for people. If funding through grants is limited, then you take your fundraising to the streets to fill those gaps in. The limiting is mostly in the thinking.
I began to think about that aspect. How people in social services give eachother awards, pat themselves on the back and go home after their nine-to-five shift of "helping", for which they get paid and are praised for "going the extra mile". If that is an extra mile......we, as a culture, are in big trouble. When we take someone in, get an extra job to make their standard of living even above our own, THAT is an extra mile we have travelled. But doesn't that sound harsh and judgemental? Wouldn't saying such a thing be more discouraging than productive? Wouldn't such words cause conflict and bring rebellion? Wouldn't they rant about a lack of appreciation and unrealistic expectations? Wouldn't they then close the doors to the help they are already giving? Would we not be told we need to inspire gently instead? Egos are so very fragile.....tender and explosive things.
So, do I flatter the egos to get that piece of paper so I can give others a sense of security in any services I might offer: Yes, she is qualified, she has the piece of paper. Yes, she worked through them and so she can have those extra rights to privacy, etc. My ego is not too fragile.
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