What follows is my response to one who expressed being disheartened by their being subject to the "baby boomers" generation:
While there are always exceptions, for the most part, we who are children of the baby boomers were subjected to parents either self-absorbed with secular achievements and mainstream traditional religions or the hippies, self-absorbed with their own enlightenment and love-making, relationships. Disillusioned by the self-centeredness and resulting abuse and/or neglect, those children grew up directionless. We sought neither because we saw both as fruitless. We cling to our children but are clueless as to how to connect with them, many get attached rather than bonded. Many try to parent and befriend. Basically my peers are all on drugs, abuse alcohol or are absorbed by some form of addiction, constantly seeking numbness to the emptiness resulting from a perceived forced participation in society's basic requirements: school, employment, and social interactions. This leaves our children confused and without foundations. It's a mess. And of course, baby boomers are products of their own parents who experienced financial prosperity and materialistic excesses.
And as I think further on it, the generation from which the baby boomers were born (our grandparents, baby boomer's parents) were themselves rebellious as they broke the rules of the church concerning birth control and divorce, etc. They rebelled against servitude in employment. They became, in their view, more "enlightened" and strived to be free of limitations. The boomers learned rebelliousness from them. Then the boomers' children learned disdain as the secular half disdained the hippies and the hippies disdained the secular. So, my generation became disillusioned with what their parents idolized while carrying in them their parents' disdain for the other perspective. Thus our children are full of rebellion, disillusionment and disdain. Yup, it's a mess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OqwKfgLaeA&feature=player_detailpage#t=0s
"As above, so below, do we not sing this anthem to our god, too?" That is why they sleep in lonely beds of their own making.
Bruce Lipton The New Biology Where Mind and Matter Meet
A YouTube video
http://youtu.be/cLl7X5TkF_Q
In light of this, I think we can call the newest generation, age 25 and younger, "The Street Fighter Generation", children of the X Generation. Due to the New Age influence of non-violence on the literal streets, they take their street fighting to the their streets: the internet, waging war on places like Facebook. You can definitely see it in their mentality, the lack of discernment, critical and analytical thinking. They are all brawn and defensive instinct.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Life, Liberty and the Persuit of Happiness
The American Founders acknowledged inalienable rights of all men: the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our country's history has been a struggle to gain understanding of what exactly that means.
The right to life includes the right to everything that sustains it: food, shelter, clothing, protection and defense. But it is more than that. It is the right to be the embodiment of life, it's essence. It is the right to be life-affirming and life-giving.
The right to liberty is the right to be without chains, conditions, indoctrination, instructions and guidance. It is the right to learn lessons. But it is more than that. It is the right to aspire, be inspired and to be the source of inspiration. It is the right to spiritual well-being and it's expression.
The right to the pursuit of happiness is the right to movement toward our aspirations. It is the right to stop something and then restart it. It is the right to dream and sing in abundance, to dance and pursue our interests. We have the right to everything that supports such movement.
And yet, these are not the rights of ALL men. These rights belong only to those who possess them: those in whom they are recognized and acknowledged. If you believe you must work for a living, earn your keep, then of you it shall be expected. If you believe you need structure and guidance, to it you will be subjected. If you believe happiness has it's limits, for you it will be limited.
This is not a "your thoughts create your reality speech", in that you create this for yourself by thinking it as if you were God himself. It is because you believe it that people can take advantage of you and make you pay for these things, to enslave you to working for them for the benefit of the people who make money off your production. Because you refuse to believe differently, God cannot liberate you from your enslavement. His freedom, you call lazy. Did not the one you call Jesus say "work not for riches, material things or worry about what you shall wear or eat"? Did you know that in other countries people really do live and eat for free? Every citizen has a choice: when you graduate from basic education you can choose college and a career or a state stipend. You don't have to have an excuse or disability, there is no "welfare". Everyone eats, has housing, clothing and medical care. They work shorter days and have very long, frequent vacations so people will spend time with their families. We fear such a system as "communism", but our government has inspired us to fear the idea of us entrusting them with this. And probably for good reason.
The belief that we have to earn our keep and work to deserve to eat is an expression of fear and insecurity.
The right to life includes the right to everything that sustains it: food, shelter, clothing, protection and defense. But it is more than that. It is the right to be the embodiment of life, it's essence. It is the right to be life-affirming and life-giving.
The right to liberty is the right to be without chains, conditions, indoctrination, instructions and guidance. It is the right to learn lessons. But it is more than that. It is the right to aspire, be inspired and to be the source of inspiration. It is the right to spiritual well-being and it's expression.
The right to the pursuit of happiness is the right to movement toward our aspirations. It is the right to stop something and then restart it. It is the right to dream and sing in abundance, to dance and pursue our interests. We have the right to everything that supports such movement.
And yet, these are not the rights of ALL men. These rights belong only to those who possess them: those in whom they are recognized and acknowledged. If you believe you must work for a living, earn your keep, then of you it shall be expected. If you believe you need structure and guidance, to it you will be subjected. If you believe happiness has it's limits, for you it will be limited.
This is not a "your thoughts create your reality speech", in that you create this for yourself by thinking it as if you were God himself. It is because you believe it that people can take advantage of you and make you pay for these things, to enslave you to working for them for the benefit of the people who make money off your production. Because you refuse to believe differently, God cannot liberate you from your enslavement. His freedom, you call lazy. Did not the one you call Jesus say "work not for riches, material things or worry about what you shall wear or eat"? Did you know that in other countries people really do live and eat for free? Every citizen has a choice: when you graduate from basic education you can choose college and a career or a state stipend. You don't have to have an excuse or disability, there is no "welfare". Everyone eats, has housing, clothing and medical care. They work shorter days and have very long, frequent vacations so people will spend time with their families. We fear such a system as "communism", but our government has inspired us to fear the idea of us entrusting them with this. And probably for good reason.
The belief that we have to earn our keep and work to deserve to eat is an expression of fear and insecurity.
Mother receives restitution
Intangible to the rest, yet sure to manifest, the mother receives restitution, justification and revenge.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Being a stand up person
Had some reflections earlier on becoming and being a stand-up kind of person:
"I've got to learn how to stand up for myself before I can be counted on to stand up for anyone else."
"It's only when I'm a stand-up kind of person that anyone else will stand up for me."
"I know my little son is going to be a stand-up kinda man, he nearly beat his sister to death for touching the flower he picked for me, heehee (expressed appreciation for the sentiment, but not for hitting sissy)......... There must be some kind of stand-up in me already for him to have gotten it......cool beans!"
"Self-awareness creates self confidence and self confidence reaps confidence in you from other people."
All of this is well and good, but what if there are no people around you who have their own self confidence, are not themselves stand-up kinds of people?
We live in a community where many people talk about each other but never to each other. It is a community where many people will rush to stand against one another but never for one another. They are like broken records asserting how great they are but unable to assert any greatness that exists in them. They boast of their own good deeds but never about anyone else's. From what I've witnessed, every act of giving, of generosity, from these people is actually an act of entrapment for which the receiver will pay later with debt held against them or a bad reputation given to them. That is why stand-up people in need of assistance don't ask for it unless truly desperate. That is why so many won't even give this group a second glance...they assume it won't be any different.
So, can we be different? Can we bring out the stand-up person within ourselves and each other? Can we draw to us any stand-up people who ARE out there?
"I've got to learn how to stand up for myself before I can be counted on to stand up for anyone else."
"It's only when I'm a stand-up kind of person that anyone else will stand up for me."
"I know my little son is going to be a stand-up kinda man, he nearly beat his sister to death for touching the flower he picked for me, heehee (expressed appreciation for the sentiment, but not for hitting sissy)......... There must be some kind of stand-up in me already for him to have gotten it......cool beans!"
"Self-awareness creates self confidence and self confidence reaps confidence in you from other people."
All of this is well and good, but what if there are no people around you who have their own self confidence, are not themselves stand-up kinds of people?
We live in a community where many people talk about each other but never to each other. It is a community where many people will rush to stand against one another but never for one another. They are like broken records asserting how great they are but unable to assert any greatness that exists in them. They boast of their own good deeds but never about anyone else's. From what I've witnessed, every act of giving, of generosity, from these people is actually an act of entrapment for which the receiver will pay later with debt held against them or a bad reputation given to them. That is why stand-up people in need of assistance don't ask for it unless truly desperate. That is why so many won't even give this group a second glance...they assume it won't be any different.
So, can we be different? Can we bring out the stand-up person within ourselves and each other? Can we draw to us any stand-up people who ARE out there?
Friday, April 26, 2013
Rolling Thunder Express Ad
http://www.rollingthunderexpress.com/
It was not printed as the submission was written, this is what was submitted:
Detroit Village Neighborly
Detroit Village Neighborly would like to introduce it's self to the community. We are a group of neighbors living in Detroit looking after each other and raising community awareness on topics of interest to us and our community such as domestic violence, bullying, homeschooling, and voting. To learn more, join in the conversation or become an active neighbor. You can find us online at http://detroitvillagegrandmashouse.blogspot.com/
Call 207-408-2016 or email morningstarcrystal@gmail.com
As you can see, there is quite a difference between what was submitted and the interpretation given to the editor of that submission. There is no intention to watch the community in an effort to seek out issues to contend with. 'first remove the beam in your own eye, then remove the sliver in your brother's' is a more appropriate approach to anything in life. 'These are our issues and this is how we are handling them' is more the approach we are taking. Thinking ourselves watched by someone on a fault-finding mission would make anyone paranoid and crazy, so that is the last thing we ought to be doing. This community is not, by this group, being "policed". There is a distinct difference between standing up and stating "this is what has been done to me, this is what I am doing myself to correct it, will you help me with the part I can't do alone?" and simply setting out accusing, doing nothing one's self but asking someone else to take vengeance. There is a difference between stating and complaining. We are making a statement or we are whining, taking responsibility or playing the victim. While the difference may be elusive to many, the difference too subtle to understand, it does exist. It is the line in the sand.
It was not printed as the submission was written, this is what was submitted:
Detroit Village Neighborly
Detroit Village Neighborly would like to introduce it's self to the community. We are a group of neighbors living in Detroit looking after each other and raising community awareness on topics of interest to us and our community such as domestic violence, bullying, homeschooling, and voting. To learn more, join in the conversation or become an active neighbor. You can find us online at http://detroitvillagegrandmashouse.blogspot.com/
Call 207-408-2016 or email morningstarcrystal@gmail.com
As you can see, there is quite a difference between what was submitted and the interpretation given to the editor of that submission. There is no intention to watch the community in an effort to seek out issues to contend with. 'first remove the beam in your own eye, then remove the sliver in your brother's' is a more appropriate approach to anything in life. 'These are our issues and this is how we are handling them' is more the approach we are taking. Thinking ourselves watched by someone on a fault-finding mission would make anyone paranoid and crazy, so that is the last thing we ought to be doing. This community is not, by this group, being "policed". There is a distinct difference between standing up and stating "this is what has been done to me, this is what I am doing myself to correct it, will you help me with the part I can't do alone?" and simply setting out accusing, doing nothing one's self but asking someone else to take vengeance. There is a difference between stating and complaining. We are making a statement or we are whining, taking responsibility or playing the victim. While the difference may be elusive to many, the difference too subtle to understand, it does exist. It is the line in the sand.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Health Insurance Required: what that means to me.
Usually, a requirement from government is "prophetic". People in positions of power and authority usually know things common people don't. That doesn't neccessarily make it a consiparacy, they just have knowledge and insight the average person does not. Many times they keep it to themselves because the average person can't handle knowing what they know. They're just trying to keep widespread panic down so people don't go around destroying themselves and everyone else in the process. So, our government is now requiring everybody carry health insurance. That tells me that yes, medical treatment and supplies will be limited. That tells me yes, there are threats to our health and well-being coming over the horizen. And there the average person goes, fretting over the requirement to obtain health insurance. They stress out, develope heart conditions, start drinking or doing drugs, endagering their health, all of which leads to that person raising their own insurance premiums. That "prophesy" is already seeing fulfillment. Trying to stop where this world is going is like jumping in front of a train. Not going to happen. You only end up killing yourself.
So what is the best, most affordable health insurance you can get? Self-awareness and emotional self-sufficiency. Insurance you work and pay for is an outer security against inward self-destruction. Your health and well-being are determined by your emotions. Stress, an expression of fearful emotions like insecurity, causes health problems. Those health problems make you dependent upon the healthcare system. As the health care system gets more and more expensive, more and more difficult to access, the more out of reach it gets. The more out of reach it gets, the more fearful you get. Your reliance upon it leads you to your own destruction.
When a person knows themselves, their own strengths and weaknesses, their own insecurites, they know their limitations. Knowing our limitations gives us the strength and courage to defend them. This defense of ourselves stregthens us, we experience less limitation. This inner strength and resulting freedom from limitations gives us a sense of security. That sense of security is an inner insurance against poor health and promotes over-all well-being. God gave that to me.
Once we have that inner security, we just roll with the punches. Choices become easy. The issue of health insurance becomes easy. If you're amongst the truly poor, government provides it. If you're working, it will often come through the company you work for. If you can't afford it and it isn't part of job benefits, you either choose to go up or down the scale: make more money to provide for it or let yourself drop down to having it provided for you. Either that or you are in a place of inner security that makes you O.K. with not having it. If you or your family truly needs medical care, you will find a way to get it.
Believe it or not, there are still people in the United States who set their own children's broken arms. There are people who pull their own teeth. I myself feel better letting a doctor do those things. But I do alot of research on natural health treatments. Maintaining our own bodies is really our own responsibility, not somebody else's. It's up to each of us to seek out how best we can do that. Some rely on prayer. Some rely on family, neighbors, books, and other second-hand sources of information. Some go to doctors. Which we choose is determined by our own level of inner security which is dependent upon our own self-awareness of our own limitations. Your beliefs will determine your experience of fulfillment regarding the government's "prophesies". If you believe you need health insurance, worse and worse things will come upon you causing your need for it and your belief that you will die without it will come true. If, on the other hand, you believe you're safe and can handle what comes your way, choices become easier, your health gets better and you live to see another day. That prophecy did not see fulfillment. You didn't have to jump in front of a train and get flattened. Possibly, quite possibly, enough people did the same thing and the train had no tracks to take it your way, it was "stopped in it's tracks" or was never a train that existed anyways. As they say "Be the change you want to see in the world". If you want everyone to have health insurance, BE your own health insurance. Others will follow.
So what is the best, most affordable health insurance you can get? Self-awareness and emotional self-sufficiency. Insurance you work and pay for is an outer security against inward self-destruction. Your health and well-being are determined by your emotions. Stress, an expression of fearful emotions like insecurity, causes health problems. Those health problems make you dependent upon the healthcare system. As the health care system gets more and more expensive, more and more difficult to access, the more out of reach it gets. The more out of reach it gets, the more fearful you get. Your reliance upon it leads you to your own destruction.
When a person knows themselves, their own strengths and weaknesses, their own insecurites, they know their limitations. Knowing our limitations gives us the strength and courage to defend them. This defense of ourselves stregthens us, we experience less limitation. This inner strength and resulting freedom from limitations gives us a sense of security. That sense of security is an inner insurance against poor health and promotes over-all well-being. God gave that to me.
Once we have that inner security, we just roll with the punches. Choices become easy. The issue of health insurance becomes easy. If you're amongst the truly poor, government provides it. If you're working, it will often come through the company you work for. If you can't afford it and it isn't part of job benefits, you either choose to go up or down the scale: make more money to provide for it or let yourself drop down to having it provided for you. Either that or you are in a place of inner security that makes you O.K. with not having it. If you or your family truly needs medical care, you will find a way to get it.
Believe it or not, there are still people in the United States who set their own children's broken arms. There are people who pull their own teeth. I myself feel better letting a doctor do those things. But I do alot of research on natural health treatments. Maintaining our own bodies is really our own responsibility, not somebody else's. It's up to each of us to seek out how best we can do that. Some rely on prayer. Some rely on family, neighbors, books, and other second-hand sources of information. Some go to doctors. Which we choose is determined by our own level of inner security which is dependent upon our own self-awareness of our own limitations. Your beliefs will determine your experience of fulfillment regarding the government's "prophesies". If you believe you need health insurance, worse and worse things will come upon you causing your need for it and your belief that you will die without it will come true. If, on the other hand, you believe you're safe and can handle what comes your way, choices become easier, your health gets better and you live to see another day. That prophecy did not see fulfillment. You didn't have to jump in front of a train and get flattened. Possibly, quite possibly, enough people did the same thing and the train had no tracks to take it your way, it was "stopped in it's tracks" or was never a train that existed anyways. As they say "Be the change you want to see in the world". If you want everyone to have health insurance, BE your own health insurance. Others will follow.
A Great Wrestling
The first thoughts to hit my mind this morning after waking were how those who share photos with the comments "If you would step in and help a child who is being bullied repost this", have heard the stories I have posted of how each of my children are being bullied by their fathers, and yet do nothing are hypocrits and liars. They "see" my children and I being bullied and yet do nothing about it. We are but a part of their "bread and circuses". But that thought led me to a very dark place in my mind, one I associate and fear as being full of hatred and judgement and condemnation, of being anything but loving. That is not who I want to be, it is not where I want to dwell; there, in that inner darkness so emotionally distressed I can't even think reasonably. So, how do I set myself free?, I wondered. Thus began the great wrestling that ended in peace.
To fight what is happening to me and my children would be rebellion and resistence (that which we resist persists, "do not resist evil", we are told in scripture, and God hates rebelliousness). I am reminded of a message God gave me:"Do you think I am unable to give you your children?". It CAN be that easy. So God is allowing it to happen this way for now for some reason. God never does anything without a reason. So, God is not giving it to these people to help me. Scripture says a person cannot do one righteous act unless God gives him the will and means to do it. God is not giving it to these people to do this, what does that mean? Does that mean God hates them, that God hates what they are doing? The thought strikes me: if they condemn these men by helping me, they condemn their own families who did the same to them, they condemn what they themselves are doing. That takes courage, to do what I do, to live life as I live it, honestly, openly, with integrity and self-reflection in the face of everything. "He who loves father or mother or brother or sister more than me is not worthy of me", the saying is recorded to be. If we fear offending family, making them angry, more than we fear God, then we are loving them more than we love truth, justice, honesty and integrity, which is the essence of God's state of being. If we do not kill within us that which causes us to be abusive, we are loving our lives, our existence in darkness, more than our neighbor, the ones we call friends, our families, and "God who is in me".
And I do admit to having had reticence concerning this thing: bringing such children into my life, the life of my younger children. My older daughters are full of strife, fear and meanness, just plain viscious like the fathers who raised them. Do I really want them in my home abusing me and my younger children? But I also know that deep within them lie my genes. If ever the kingdom of God was written within them, it can be retrieved. God would give that to me. So, I simply need to wait and be patient, apparently to "do nothing" but allow God to choose for me. Inaction is a choice in it's self and my inaction is the choosing to allow God to do for me whatever it is He is willing.
Part of the arguement within me this morning concerned eyes being opened. How many times in scripture do we read God saying "If their eyes are opened, I would have to heal them". That is why it is reported the one called Jesus spoke in parables. It is why God prophesied in parables to Isreal. I think of how I have seen eyes opened, most dramatically in my mother. With sudden clarity she looked at my youngest children and exclaimed "All they want to do is love me! They do not want anything from me". It was an intense realization and reminded me of when she was driving me back to Maine after they first took my older children. She was ranting at me how we just needed to stop trying to control what the other was doing. She caught herself for a moment and turned to me with dawning clarity and said "You have never tried to control me". Then it was as if a black metal door dropped before her face as it darkened and she went back to ranting at me. What was her choice of action after each of these "eyes being opened" experiences? With my younger children, she bought them shovels this past winter so they could learn to do chores and 'earn their keep'. They may not have wanted anyting from her, but she sure as hell wanted to impose her beliefs on them. Back then after her eyes were opened concerning me, she betrayed me helping them take my children from me, treating me like a suspicious criminal, being informant for the enemy. Even most recently, when we desperately needed diapers, I asked her. She delivered a big ol' box of them but while handing them over, she tapped on the box pointendly and told me I would have to make a greater effort potty training. Conditional giving, still trying to control me. Putting off information on how to switch the electric bill over to my name: so she could hold it against me that I wasn't paying it. I am no longer naive. From that point on I sought diapers from other sources who would not give conditionally and discovered for myself how to get the bills in my name.
Eyes will be opened but only for a moment so when they stand before God, they cannot claim to have never been allowed to see. The end for such people is misery. And what about these "great things" people do in fact do for me? like allowing me to live here rent free. Number one, the place is not rentable and yet she wanted every penny I got to pay full rent. Her original intent was no "great deed". But she still benefits as I am keeping the place in good repair, it is not falling down due to neglect, being filled with mold, mildew, dust and insects like the rest left unoccupied. My presence is as good as any security system. And I will tell you what I know of God's justice. You see, every time God liberated Isreal from her oppressors, they left with the wealth of the nations they were leaving. In Egypt, for their labors they got whips and chains, their children murdered. When they left they were commanded to ask of their neighbors all the riches, gold and jewelry. They got it. When Isreal left Babylon to rebuild the temple, not only did they get back the gold utensils taken from the temple, but also the wood and money to rebuild it, their lives and their cities. They took the wealth of that nation with them. So, if I leave with anything, having had anything given me, it is God giving me what I should have received while I was here and God raping them as they raped me. If there are feelings of hurt, anger, of being used and abused, of ingratitude, it is only what is being returned to you for all the hurt, neglect, abuse and lack of gratitude for what I was and did for you. For, you see, I do feel grateful for every bit given, the feelings left behind are a misrepresentation of what I am feeling, but an experience deserved in return for the experience given me. It is an ILLUSION that YOU will suffer under. And then for your condemnation of me for that illusion, you yourself will receive condemnation instead of me. For when I had means, I did more for you than you ever did for me. The path of destruction I have been reported as leaving, is only destruction revisted on the people who destroyed me. It is evil returning to it's source of origins, not a conscious effort from me. I am simply *aware* of what is coming, I am in no way consciously creating it for me. The desire for vengence does not live in me. I am innocent and only observing and reporting on what I see happening.
This is my legacy. In my heart lives peace. Today fear and hatred found no home in me. I am God's Magenta Flame. The Bright and Morning Star lives in me with Crystal clarity. "Only the righteous will fly with me."
To fight what is happening to me and my children would be rebellion and resistence (that which we resist persists, "do not resist evil", we are told in scripture, and God hates rebelliousness). I am reminded of a message God gave me:"Do you think I am unable to give you your children?". It CAN be that easy. So God is allowing it to happen this way for now for some reason. God never does anything without a reason. So, God is not giving it to these people to help me. Scripture says a person cannot do one righteous act unless God gives him the will and means to do it. God is not giving it to these people to do this, what does that mean? Does that mean God hates them, that God hates what they are doing? The thought strikes me: if they condemn these men by helping me, they condemn their own families who did the same to them, they condemn what they themselves are doing. That takes courage, to do what I do, to live life as I live it, honestly, openly, with integrity and self-reflection in the face of everything. "He who loves father or mother or brother or sister more than me is not worthy of me", the saying is recorded to be. If we fear offending family, making them angry, more than we fear God, then we are loving them more than we love truth, justice, honesty and integrity, which is the essence of God's state of being. If we do not kill within us that which causes us to be abusive, we are loving our lives, our existence in darkness, more than our neighbor, the ones we call friends, our families, and "God who is in me".
And I do admit to having had reticence concerning this thing: bringing such children into my life, the life of my younger children. My older daughters are full of strife, fear and meanness, just plain viscious like the fathers who raised them. Do I really want them in my home abusing me and my younger children? But I also know that deep within them lie my genes. If ever the kingdom of God was written within them, it can be retrieved. God would give that to me. So, I simply need to wait and be patient, apparently to "do nothing" but allow God to choose for me. Inaction is a choice in it's self and my inaction is the choosing to allow God to do for me whatever it is He is willing.
Part of the arguement within me this morning concerned eyes being opened. How many times in scripture do we read God saying "If their eyes are opened, I would have to heal them". That is why it is reported the one called Jesus spoke in parables. It is why God prophesied in parables to Isreal. I think of how I have seen eyes opened, most dramatically in my mother. With sudden clarity she looked at my youngest children and exclaimed "All they want to do is love me! They do not want anything from me". It was an intense realization and reminded me of when she was driving me back to Maine after they first took my older children. She was ranting at me how we just needed to stop trying to control what the other was doing. She caught herself for a moment and turned to me with dawning clarity and said "You have never tried to control me". Then it was as if a black metal door dropped before her face as it darkened and she went back to ranting at me. What was her choice of action after each of these "eyes being opened" experiences? With my younger children, she bought them shovels this past winter so they could learn to do chores and 'earn their keep'. They may not have wanted anyting from her, but she sure as hell wanted to impose her beliefs on them. Back then after her eyes were opened concerning me, she betrayed me helping them take my children from me, treating me like a suspicious criminal, being informant for the enemy. Even most recently, when we desperately needed diapers, I asked her. She delivered a big ol' box of them but while handing them over, she tapped on the box pointendly and told me I would have to make a greater effort potty training. Conditional giving, still trying to control me. Putting off information on how to switch the electric bill over to my name: so she could hold it against me that I wasn't paying it. I am no longer naive. From that point on I sought diapers from other sources who would not give conditionally and discovered for myself how to get the bills in my name.
Eyes will be opened but only for a moment so when they stand before God, they cannot claim to have never been allowed to see. The end for such people is misery. And what about these "great things" people do in fact do for me? like allowing me to live here rent free. Number one, the place is not rentable and yet she wanted every penny I got to pay full rent. Her original intent was no "great deed". But she still benefits as I am keeping the place in good repair, it is not falling down due to neglect, being filled with mold, mildew, dust and insects like the rest left unoccupied. My presence is as good as any security system. And I will tell you what I know of God's justice. You see, every time God liberated Isreal from her oppressors, they left with the wealth of the nations they were leaving. In Egypt, for their labors they got whips and chains, their children murdered. When they left they were commanded to ask of their neighbors all the riches, gold and jewelry. They got it. When Isreal left Babylon to rebuild the temple, not only did they get back the gold utensils taken from the temple, but also the wood and money to rebuild it, their lives and their cities. They took the wealth of that nation with them. So, if I leave with anything, having had anything given me, it is God giving me what I should have received while I was here and God raping them as they raped me. If there are feelings of hurt, anger, of being used and abused, of ingratitude, it is only what is being returned to you for all the hurt, neglect, abuse and lack of gratitude for what I was and did for you. For, you see, I do feel grateful for every bit given, the feelings left behind are a misrepresentation of what I am feeling, but an experience deserved in return for the experience given me. It is an ILLUSION that YOU will suffer under. And then for your condemnation of me for that illusion, you yourself will receive condemnation instead of me. For when I had means, I did more for you than you ever did for me. The path of destruction I have been reported as leaving, is only destruction revisted on the people who destroyed me. It is evil returning to it's source of origins, not a conscious effort from me. I am simply *aware* of what is coming, I am in no way consciously creating it for me. The desire for vengence does not live in me. I am innocent and only observing and reporting on what I see happening.
This is my legacy. In my heart lives peace. Today fear and hatred found no home in me. I am God's Magenta Flame. The Bright and Morning Star lives in me with Crystal clarity. "Only the righteous will fly with me."
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