Why I want to support my Maine community

                                                      Why I want to support my Maine community
                                                       by Crystal Morningstar (aka Stacey Bourdeau)
     (This is a long one, so I hope you bear with me and sure, you can laugh with me at my expense. I hope you do!) My first experience of Maine was when I was 19. I had come up with a group of friends out of connecticut to look at a tree truck they were interested in maybe buying. We were finishing a meal in a resteraunt when I heard from out of the crowd "damn flatlanders, you're all retarded", definately directed our way. I don't know what got into me because it was not my usual charector, but burst out of my mouth was "oh, yeah, well I heard all mainers were in-bred". I hurried to our vehicle, even quicker when I noticed all the guns on gun racks in pick-up trucks in the parking lot...funny, hadn't noticed them so acutely when we went in. I honestly don't ever remember hearing that about mainers and to be honest, my friends had even embarrassed me by their behavior in the resteraunt. My retort was probably a defense mechanism kicking in or something.But what was wrong with being from 'away' or a 'flatlander'? what was it that made us so distateful, as if we were diseased? Eventually, I would understand it: it's a mentality and it is crippling.
     Years later I was a single mother of a single daughter. My aunt, who lived up here told me I should move up, it was awesome. Little crime and by the time the latest fads reached here, they were out of style. Good place to raise children. Not long after a young man was shot in the head in the Connecticut town I lived in, I took her up on that offer. I was told by a local that I would never get a job up here because I was too outgoing. What did that mean?!, I wondered. I had been led to believe outgoing was a good quality and one I did not believe I possessed. I was always accused of being too quiet, shy and sensative! What on earth was I in for and up against? turns out, "outgoing" can be felt as presumptuous and too loud in perspective to Maine's country folk. I now know what that means.
      I got the job and settled in, somewhat becoming part of parts of the community (not a misprint). Eventually I had two more children and was one day walking on some property with all of them. I heard a gunshot. The sound's source was not close enough to make me jump, but as I turned to seek out it's source the gun was being lowered and I was startled by where it had been aimed. The man with the gun came up and explained a raccoon had been headed straight for the children, being daylight and from the way it was stumbling, it was rabid. "Should I call someone? They like to keep track of rabid animals for statistics and stuff.....". "Hell, no!", He replied, "they'll take my gun!". I was surprised by that concern. Why would someone take his gun when it just saved at least one of my children's lives? I did learn one lesson, however. 'Rabid animals' are gonna happen in life. Where a "flatlander" would panic at it, a Mainer doesn't. Ya just hope you have a neighbor brave enough to have a gun who is good enough to use it successfully, if you don't yourself. Probably a relief to your neighbors if you'd take that responsibility for yourself. They don't want your kid dying of rabies, either.
     Another incident made me reconsider my thinking. We had just moved onto property when I discovered a dead deer on the side of the road at the edge of our property. I called everyone I could think of would be the "right" official to handle it. In Connectiticut, that's what you do; call the road crew. carcasses are always cleaned up. Road crew? lol Animal control:"we don't do that sort of thing". forestry service:"drag it into the woods." "But it will stink and draw bears!". "Put some lime on it". speechless. Take care of it myself? Just let it decompose out there? duh me! Let nature take it's course? That is around the time I began to immerse myself in the local spirit of self-sufficiency, creativity, and resourcefulness which all go hand-in-hand around here. I was a rule follower and people pleaser, too "eager", looking for direction(part of what 'outgoing' means to a Mainer), a sensative perfectionsist. my mother once told me I wasn't street-smart. I wasn't. I was 'book smart'. I was used to being given rules and structures, regulations and restrictions, and I followed them (except for when I didn't, lol I was once a child). But now I was beginning to learn a bit of how to be independent and self-sufficient, less of a burden. It was this beggining of self-sufficiency that gave me the courage to leave. I still had growing to do and felt I couldn't do it so deeply entrenched and connected to family. I certainly didn't think any locals would miss me, I was just that 'flatlander' that had invaded with her crippled mentality and emotional messiness.
    10 years later, after learning alot through the hard knocks of life's school, I returned.I hoped I had brought something of value back with me.I have definately quieted a bit and in observing have even since my return, learned a few things still. It was a relieving re-set for me when I first came back and accompianied someone to the gas station. It took so long. They all stopped to talk. Slowly. Mainers, like so many country folk, do not speak slowly because they are ignorant. Behind the words they are speaking can be a ponderence, reflection, observation, appreciation and respect for the concept of interaction they probably take for granted. It can be a spiritually higher intelligence that has a broadness to it. Trust me, they aren't missing a thing! They notice every detail of what's missing and what isn't.Some spend years practicing meditation techniques for years to achieve something close to it.
     Their bussinesses have traditionally been places where socialization happens. They are second homes to the families that run them. They aren't meant to be a quick in and out, in orderly fashion, like the rest of society overwhelmed in numbers and urgency. Mainers aren't cold and distant, closeminded or unreceptive. They are just observent and discerning, slow to make connections because up here, you mean something to somebody.....alot, to everybody. It is the kind of connection that can be scary. It is alot of responsibility and committment. It is something city folk aren't used to having with people from anywhere coming and going, people being a dime a dozen."Flatlands" are ponds full of fish. If you can't hack it with one, you toss it back. There is no reason to question your own emotional maturity or mentality. You will always find someone who will agree with you and you move on to the next group if they don't like it.
     But not in places like rural Maine. It means stability and responsibility. It means faithfulness and loyalty. It means someone has your back and you've got theirs. It takes time to prove you can hack it. But once you're in, you're family. This kind of connection does have it's own dangers. attachment can lead to taking things too personally. Tough times can cause some to slip into dependency, co-depency, controlling behaviors and other dysfunctions. These then sometimes lead to dissatisfaction on into drug and alcohol addictions. But it is nothing that cannot be overcome by a bit of heart-to-heart honesty, acceptence, and appreciation. Which is what I hope I bring to the table: a little respect, love and appreciation for "the way life should be". I want to learn this for myself and I want my children to have it. I want to do my part to preserve it.